The God Who Wasn't There.....

*Warning: This is going to be a rant. It's probably not going to be cohesive or grammatically correct. It's probably going to be offensive and have a lot of curse words.  I realize that my posts are few and far between lately, and with the holidays approaching they should be more lighthearted and focused on the kids, but I'm mad as hell right now and I'm about to let loose. So. You've been warned.*


I don't know how anyone can call themselves an intelligent human being and believe in any god.  There, I said it.  I know I have friends who are religious. I know that they are intelligent. But I think that when it comes to the whole "god" thing, their brain is being affected by something that's making them stupid. 

Obviously my comments are stemming from the recent tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, where the lives of 26 people (20 OF THE CHILDREN) were cut short by a mentally ill person with guns. 

I keep seeing posts of "angels being called home" and "god is hugging those babies now" or "prayers for the family".  Seriously?  Shut the fuck up.  Shut up with that idiotic, pedantic, bullshit.  There are no "angels", there is no "hugging" and what the fuck is praying going to do now?  You think maybe if this Great and Powerful Oz, oops I mean, God, DID exist that he could have PREVENTED this disgusting event from happening?  Maybe jam a gun?  Maybe stall the car the shooter was driving?  Better yet, maybe NOT let the shooter be mentally ill with access to an arsenal of weapons?  But no, for some reason, the religious will rationalize that "Satan" was at work.  Really?  Well then this would logically mean that "God" is weaker than "Satan".  Or that they're working together?  Or that they're one in the same.  Or better yet, THEY"RE BOTH NOT FUCKING REAL! 

How come "God" is always there when Bubba wins the lottery or when Cletus wins on the Price is Right, but strangely absent say, when a fucking psycho shoots up a school? When children are hacked to pieces with machetes for "being witches"?  When terrorists fly planes into buildings? Oh wait, "God" WAS there on September 11th, except his name was "Allah" and he was granting the wishes of Mohammed Atta, Osama Bin Laden, and the other 12 terrorists. 

Don't even get me started on the fucking asshats who are blaming this tragedy on the fact that "God" was "removed from school".  Again, shut the fuck up.  Shut your idiotic piece of shit mouth.  You're in the same group of assholes that is now going to blame "teh gayz" for this tragedy.  You're a Westboro Baptist fuckface without the sign. 

And now I'm reading all these news pieces about church vigils and prayer rallies.  Really?  FUCKING REALLY?!?!  You're going to go to CHURCH and pray to your little sky friend, AFTER he allowed this thing to happen.  You're going to subjugate yourself to this (and I'm speaking as though "god" were real) misogynistic, baby killing, genocidal, slave endorsing, egomaniac, who gets his rocks off on killing kids (for the Bible tells me so!) and then you're going to look to "him" for answers.  Are you fucking mental?!?!?!

So let's approach it from this angle.  Either "God" is real or he isn't.  Simple.  BUT!  If he is real, then one must concede that he allows murder, rape, disease, cruelty, injustice, and all these horrible things.  If he doesn't exist (the more reasonable option), then one can be satisfied in the knowledge that LIFE is unfair, that human beings can really be horrible to each other, and that this fraction of a second we have on this planet is fleeting, unstable, but also worth a million trillion zillion lifetimes.

"But Alessia, God gave us free will! He can't step in!".  Oh really?  So he can't step in when children are being murdered, but he CAN step in when you get a promotion at work?  He can't step in when a woman is being raped but CAN step in when Extreme Makeover renovates your house?  And speaking of the woman being raped, WHOSE "free will" is being exercised here?  The rapist?

Oh and I LOVE the idiots on the message boards blaming atheists for this tragedy.  According to one genius on HuffPo, responding to my comment about being confused as to why people flock to church, I have no capacity for love and compassion and I have no concept of helping others because I don't go to church.  Yep, absolutely right (eye roll). I *totally* need to go to church to know what love and compassion are. That love and compassion sure overflows for gays and lesbians, for nontheists, and the like. Going to church to learn about love and compassion is like going to a fucking steakhouse for a vegan meal.

In the days following this tragedy we are going to face a barrage of images of fresh-faced children whose lives ended violently and tragically.  We are going to see images of distraught parents whose own lives, in a sense, ended yesterday.  And I'm going to have to listen to the same bullshit over and over again about "god bless them" and "prayers for them".  I'm going to have to have some asshole of a parent in an interview on TV claim that "by the grace of god", THEIR CHILD SURVIVED.  That, by far, is the most disgusting thing anyone can say.  "God" saved your kid but not the others. How nice for you, you smug piece of shit.  What kind of bullshit self-rationalization is that?  Your kid lived because "god" loved him more?  Because you prayed harder?  Because that kid talked back to his mom?


I was sobbing yesterday but today I am mad as hell.  I'm pissed that a mentally ill person had access to weapons. I'm pissed that this person thought it necessary to kill anyone.  Just kill yourself and be done with it, why take out a school?  I am mad as hell that people look to the sky for answers instead of focusing on REAL solutions to REAL problems.  The mental health system failed this man.  It failed and continues to fail on so many levels.  We have soldiers who fight for this country coming home and murder-suiciding their entire families because they're not getting the care they deserve.  We have disgruntled workers shooting up malls because they got laid off.

Let's ignore all that and pray for answers.  Yes, let's just do that.

Like A Prayer

When I first met my husband, a native North Carolinian, he told me this joke about two little prim and proper Southern old ladies sitting on their front porch.
The first said to the other "My husband got me a Cadillac for my birthday this year!".
The other replied, "That's nice".
The first said, "And last year he bought me diamond earrings!"
"That's nice", replied the second.
"What did your husband get you for your birthday?" asked the first woman.
"Finishing lessons." replied the second.
"Finishing lessons?" asked the first woman, "Whatever for?"
"So I can say 'that's nice'", replied the second, "instead of 'Fuck you!'"

It's a cute joke and very fitting when I'm faced with the phrase "I'll pray for you".  This simple phrase uttered daily by millions of people has a very complex meaning, and it all depends on very specific circumstances.  Most people would assume, and wrongfully so, that because I am an Atheist, that the phrase, "I'll pray for you" would make me extremely angry and offend me to no end.  In fact, this past week while I was in the hospital having emergency back surgery (more on that in a future blog), my Facebook page was flooded with well wishes, thoughts, and yes, even prayers from friends who were thinking of me.  What upset me, though, were the posts from people offering prayers who felt they needed to "apologize" for using that terminology, thinking that because I don't pray, I would somehow find their need to do so as a way of wishing me well somewhat offensive.  So while lying in the hospital and watching horrible TV shows I would never dream of (admitting to) watching and having really cool painkillers pumped into my IV (seriously, the doctor said that if they gave me any more morphine I was going to stop breathing), I decided I would clarify certain things with my praying friends in hopes that they would understand my mind as an Atheist when it comes to things like that. Notice I didn't say "understand THE mind of an Atheist" as all of us are different and trust me, there are some fuckwad Atheists out there that I'd rather not be associated with.  Especially the ones that tell me I can't do Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy, but that's a whole other thing all together.  Anyhow, I digress.  Moving on.

The term "I'll pray for you" has, as I said earlier, different meanings.  Specifically, two.  The first comes from a place of love, caring, friendship, and the belief that your god (whoever or whatever he/she/it may be) will take time out of their omnipotent schedule (it's a pretty booked one) and nudge a little bit of goodwill by way of you to the person you're praying for.  That's awesome.  It's a nice sentiment.  There's no malice behind it and if anyone thinks there is, they're a dick for thinking it.  In most situations where the phrase "I'll pray for you" is being used or "You're in my prayers", someone like me who doesn't pray will say something like, "Thinking of you" or "Positive thoughts coming your way", or the ever intelligent "hugz".  There's no need to apologize for saying it.  You're wishing someone well.  You could be praying to Rangor, god of mute sheep who floods the fields with the blood of newborn lizards, and it still would be coming from a good place.  This meaning of "I'll pray for you" is not the one that is offensive.  So please, don't ever apologize for saying it.

Now, though, I will deal with the phrase as it is taken as a negative connotation.  I'm going to have to use examples since I've never experienced this with an actual friend, so most of my stories will be those of me and random strangers who are dicks.  No, I'm not judging. You'll see why.

Example 1 of "I'll pray for you" used as a negative:  I am shopping at a grocery store.  I am walking to my car with full cart of bags and children singing a random Yo Gabba Gabba song.  Woman is near my car. I think she's getting into hers next to me, but in fact she's just staring at my car.  I get my keys out to open the trunk.  Conversation is as follows:
Her: "Is that your car"
Me: "Yes, I'm sorry did I park too close?"
Her: "You're an Atheist" (My bumper sticker says "Friendly Neighborhood Atheist")
Me: "Yep."
Her: "So you don't believe in Jesus"
Me: "Nope"
Her: "I'll pray for you"

Did you spot the difference? She wasn't sending well wishes.  She was using the phrase as a mask instead of saying "Fuck you!"  And you can't convince me otherwise because 99% of the time when this happens (and yes, it happens quite often) the person saying "I'll pray for you" isn't merely speaking the words, rather they are spitting them in anger with a face on them that could stop a clock.  Seriously, if looks could kill, I'd be dead a hundred times over.  I even once had a guy actually spit on my car after saying "I'll pray for you".  Are you getting the gist of the different contexts?

Another example of the negativity aspect of "I'll pray for you" can also come in the written form.  In this case, when random strangers, leave "love notes" on my car.  I call them "love notes" because, as we all know, "god is love" and since these people believe they are speaking for god and followers of god, their notes are in fact, full of "his love".  Sorry, I told myself I wasn't going to be snarky, but blame the Percocet because it's kicking in.  Anyhow, the most common "love note" I get goes something like "Jesus Christ is Lord. You will burn in hell. I will pray for you".  Again, that's not a "get well soon" kind of sentiment.  They just don't have the guts to write "Fuck You" and would much rather condescend into some sort of weird passive/aggressive mumbo jumbo that makes them feel better about themselves. "Sure, I left a nasty note on someone's car whose views I disagreed with, but I am praying for them!" Not quite.  Sometimes I get some really clever notes, which have the standard text above, but thrown in they will add commentary about my other bumper stickers like "You are a ni**er loving socialist nazi" (must be the Obama sticker), "I feel sorry for your children" (must have seen the car seats in the car), "I hope your children burn for eternity" (see previous), or some that just don't understand the Carl Sagan quote about the Universe and call me a "fucking bitch", "cunt" or tell me to "go kill yourself, then see that you're wrong". But you know what brings all these notes together?  They all end with that simple phrase of .....you guessed it...."I'll pray for you".

But it doesn't end there. No no no!  It's not "I'll pray for you" that suffers from double meaning, but the phrase like "god bless you", rather anything with "bless" in it falls into the same trap. And again, I have to remind my friends not to apologize if you want to use it in a sentence while talking with me.  A while back I went to dinner with a wonderful woman from my book club.  She is an Episcopalian Minister, married to her partner for a long long time, and really someone that you come across once in a lifetime.  Amazing.  While we were eating and talking about our families, life, loves, etc. I noticed that she kept apologizing every time she said "god bless you" or "god bless them" when I was talking about my children or parts of my life.  And every time she apologized for saying it, I had to remind her not to because it wasn't offensive to me.  I think many religious people think all Atheists are cranky old men like Richard Dawkins who are always looking to pick a fight with theists.  You have to understand that we're not.  Sure, as I said earlier, there are fuckwads on all sides of the camp, but saying "god bless them" when I tell you a story about my kids isn't going to make me offended or go on a tirade.  You're wishing them love as you perceive it.  You're sending them positivity from a place that means a great deal to you.  Why ever would anyone need to apologize for that?

On the flip side, if you're handing out pamphlets at the park inviting me to your church and I politely say, "No thank you, we are Atheists", and you chuckle, scoff, roll your eyes and say "Well, god bless you then", please don't be surprised if I reply with some snarky comment like, "Well Santa bless you as well". 

So you see, there are many ways words and phrases can be used that take on a different meaning when used in different contexts.  I wanted to clear this up because I don't ever want anyone to hide or apologize for who they are when they want to wish me or my family well.  Goodness knows, I am not one to ever apologize or hide who I am or what I believe and neither should you.  No, this is not an open invitation to start throwing bible quotes on my FB timeline or send me "Jesus loves you" pictures or anything of the sort.  Just know that if you want to wish me well or luck or whatever and if the way you want to do it is to "pray for me", know that you do not have to apologize for saying it.  A perfect example came in an email from another one of my book club members who is a Pastor at a local Presbyterian Church near Dante's school. In his email he wrote " I'll be keeping u in my prayers (u can think of them as nice thoughts if u prefer :))".  

Thank-you, Gracias, Merci, Danke, 谢谢, شكرا , спасибо, , Obrigado, ありがとう, אַ דאַנק

The holiday season begins the time of year where post after post, story after story, is about how “the Atheist” deals with certain religious situations that occur with each tradition. The past weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I’ve been bombarded with every typical, “How the Atheist can cope” story on my news feed; from large news providers like The Huffington Post to personal blogs like The Friendly Atheist.  Reading all of these stories has made me realize and understand what I am really thankful for on this Thanksgiving 2011.
With all the “givens” aside that I am obviously “thankful” for: my husband, my children, our health and our happy home, friends and family, yadda yadda yadda, it has become glaringly apparent that I should emphasize one very special “thank-you”.
So here goes:
                                                                                                             
This Thanksgiving (and hopefully I am able to retroact this to all past Thanksgivings) I am especially thankful to my parents, Diana and Marcello, who always let me and my brother “be”.  I mean this in the sense that we grew up always being encouraged and supported into finding our own way, whether we fucked up royally or soared with achievement.  My parents never constrained us into a specific “you have to do this this way” or “you have to be this person” and I am quite sure that, after the standards ups and downs of “life”, they turned out some really cool kids. Not to brag, but I think my brother and I are some pretty cool cats.
So when I read these articles during the holidays about how an Atheist should “cope” or speak with fellow Atheists who have to hide who they are at the holiday dinner table, I just realize how lucky my brother and I have it.  We’ve never had to hide anything from our folks (which sometimes results in some pretty TMI conversations).  We’ve never been criticized for who we are or what we believe (or don’t believe).  Sure, both mom and dad are Atheists too, which helps a lot in the whole “non-judgmental” department, but I have a feeling if either my brother or I came home one day as evangelical Christians or Orthodox Jews, my parents would be ok with it. Sure, they’d be a little confused, but aren’t children supposed to confuse their parents to begin with?
So thank-you, mommy and papinos, for letting us “be”.  I know that I will instill those same sentiments in my children so that they may become whoever they wish to be without fear or repercussions.
Now get over here and stuff your faces.

Year Ten

Scattered thoughts on the tenth anniversary:

• How can people say "god bless America" today?  I asked a believer how they can rationalize that statement and they told me that "he" works in mysterious ways. Somehow, and as much as I try to be respectful, I have to, deep down inside, call bullshit on that.  How can one justify such atrocities by labeling it with the benign "mysterious ways" excuse.  "Mysterious ways", at least to me, involve a man in a black cape pulling a rabbit out of a hat, or making a woman disappear in a "magic" box, not the complete annihilation of 3000 innocent people, some of them meeting their end in the most horrific and prolonged ways imaginable.
• And why is god blessing us today?  Why not wonder where the fuck he was in 2001 on this day.  Was he out to lunch?  Was he having a business meeting with Lucifer?  Was he simply hedging his bets on Al Qaeda and radical Islam?  After all, Mohammed Atta and company committed these acts FOR GOD.  The same god Christians worship, the same god Jews worship, the same god not-crazy Muslims pray to five times a day.  Sure, he's Allah in the Qu'ran, but guess what?  Same god. So how can people "thank god" or "god bless" anything when he's the very same god that didn't snatch those planes out of the sky on that Tuesday and say, "No, no, children. Play nice."
• If the acts of 9/11/01 don't make anyone realize that there is no god, then I don't know what else could.  Oh, wait, how about the Holocaust, Dharfur, Somalia, Andre Brevik, Rwanda, Bosnia, Palestine, AIDS, children born with cancer, children dying of starvation, people that shoot up IHOP restaurants for no reason, Michelle Bachmann, amputees (if there is a god, why won't he heal them?), war, famine, stillborn babies (bullshit that "god needed an angel in heaven"), rape, murder, pedophiles (priests, especially), and all those wonderful other things that this supposed benevolent, omniscient, omnipotent being "allows" to happen because of his "mysterious ways".
• And before you accuse me of being an Atheist because of all the bad things listed above, I will stop you there.  Sure, the horrific things that humans do to eachother are one of the reasons why I cannot logically believe in a god, but the wonders of the Universe and of our planet trump the idiocies of humanity.  How egotistical of us wee humans to think that the sun rises and sets for us.  That it was somehow "created" for our benefit.  We are a speck of a planet, on a speck of an arm of a galaxy that is a speck in the corner of an endless universe of which we are just learning about.  Our visible Universe, as detected by the Hubble telescope, shows millions, if not billions, of other galaxies, with other star systems, and presumably other planets that contain life.  We are here for a minute in the grand spectrum of things and then we are gone.  Yet people perpetuate this Bronze Age notion that we were "created" in a god's image and have this huge purpose.  We don't.  And that's ok. 

• As I said on my Facebook page, today should be a day where we remember what happened, but focus our energies on making this world a better place for our children.  How do we do that?  Well, for me, it means to stop fundamentalism in all aspects.  The United States is on the verge, if not already, of becoming a theocracy.  We are, in no way, a Christian nation as clearly outlined in both the Constitution and the Treaty of Tripoli, yet zealots and fundamentalists continue to push the notion that we are.  We must insist on a complete separation of church and state in both public lives and government.  The Michelle Bachmans, the Rick Perrys, the Mitt Romneys, the Falwells, the Robertsons, all must be removed from positions of influence. We must focus on teaching our children that EVERYONE is entitled to rights in this country: the right to love, the right to marry, the right to be a parent.  No one should be singled out or condemned simply because an ancient book, written by primitive goat herders says so.   
• Evolution is Science. Creationism is Myth.  One of them belongs in a Science class, the other in a Theology/World Relgions class. Not doing so is a disservice to the education of our children, or do we want all of them to sound like idiots?

• Let us not forget that horrific tragedies that befell sacred American soil (cough, cough, cough, sarcasm, cough) ten years ago are par for the course in not-so-lucky countries all over the world.  Children and raped and sold into slavery on a daily basis in certain African countries.  People are hacked to death with machetes for being gay, not following the same religion (oh, look religion and violence again!), going against the status quo, and other stupid reasons.  Buildings are detonated, families are destroyed, sons and daughters are lost every day in other countries and nobody blinks an eye.  Yet, when it comes knocking on our front door step, America all of a sudden, comes together and listens. 
• Well, America, you should be listening every day, to every person in every country who is victim or witness to their horrors.  We're not better than them, we're not special, and now, we're just like every other war torn country.  We're being taken over by theocrats who want to rule from the pulpit, who believe violence is the only way to conquer "the enemy", who believe "the enemy" is someone who isn't like them, and who wish to marginalize and demonize anyone and anything that threatens their "morality" and "values". 
• Sorry, but my godless Atheist morals and values never told me to hate gays and lesbians. 
• In conclusion, if I can get to one, today absolutely sucks.  And I dread the day when I will have to explain to my children why I just burst out crying for no reason on Sept. 11.  Or why the TV stays off or on cartoons all day.  Or why I hide the newspaper.  Or why, in my hope chest, there is a box with pictures in it of two towers.  Were that we were all children and didn't know about the cruelty of man.

Speechless

VNV Nation 9/11 Tribute

I take no credit for this except for its relevance even after nine years.

The Church of Santa Claus

I was infuriated...no wait, inspired (yea, that's it) to write this post after reading Hemant Mehta's post, Too Soon to Learn About Santa Claus, over at his awesome Friendly Atheist site.
Since becoming a parent, I have discovered a whole "movement" of people who believe that telling your child about Santa Claus is akin to lying to them and, in essence, is a horrible thing to do. They believe that you should tell your child the honest truth about where the presents come from so they know that there is no such thing as being rewarded for gifts and that they work hard to give them said gift. It is also believed that children will grow up not resenting their parents for "lying" to them about Santa.
I hate this notion. Childhood is about harvesting the imagination, nurturing it, and letting grow. Telling stories about a magical being that comes at night and delivers presents to everyone all over the world is not lying to them. It gives children a sense of wonder and magic and goodness. They have a whole lifetime of being cynical, cranky, old people. Giving them a few years with Santa Claus isn't going to kill them. Santa is just a part of childhood, like peeing in your pants, skinned knees, your first kiss, and your first heartbreak.
On top of this, as an Atheist family, we get so much flack from fellow Atheists (and religious people alike) because we're the family with Christmas decorations and Santa, like we're supposed to NOT have any sort of imagination and make believe in our lives because we don't believe in god, gods, or any sort of creative force. No, we should celebrate Math Day or Rational Thinking Day instead. Sure, those could be interesting, but tell me what 4 year old would rather spend a day talking about integers and fractions instead of making wishes and lists for a magical fat man who promises treats and goodies for all the good little boys and girls?
We don't ascribe any religious significance to Santa and Christmas, and no one ever told me that growing up and celebrating a non-religious Christmas was "atheist illegal" why start now? And I never resented my parents for "lying" to me about Santa. What's the harm in letting your children BE CHILDREN?
No one has ever died in the name of Santa. There's no dogma in Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Harry Potter, Star Wars Universe (wait...there may be some weird pseudo/religious dogma-ish thingie there with The Force and the whole Medichlorons or whatever they're called hoodads), but I digress. There is a huge difference, at least in my opinion, in telling your children that Santa Claus resides at the North Pole with elves and makes toys and telling them that there is an omnipotent "creator" in the sky waiting to pass judgement and smite you down if you don't cater to his every whim and follow certain "rules" written in a book by primitive desert people some two thousand years ago.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
Santa doesn't pass legislation prohibiting same-sex couples to marry. Santa doesn't pull a trigger on a sniper rifle outside of an abortion clinic. Santa doesn't blow up buildings with airplanes. Santa doesn't chop off limbs with machetes. Santa doesn't make women subservient by covering them from head to toe. Santa doesn't carry "god hates fags" posters. Santa doesn't diddle little boys for decades and then have Mrs. Claus over at the North Pole try and cover it up and then say it was all a "misunderstanding" and "exaggeration". Santa doesn't do any of this bullshit! He brings presents and is fat and jolly!!!
And true, while I have highlighted some of the more "icky" aspects of dogma and religion, I know that those things aren't representative of different faiths people choose to follow. But, punch me in the face if they're not slightly becoming the "norm" in our society, eh?
So what's wrong with a little magic and pretend? Dante has an imaginary Balverine friend who comes to visit. (Note: A Balverine is a wolfman-like creature from the Fable 2 video game and looks something like this:but the Balverine is a Friend Balverine and doesn't want to eat us).
Anyhow, do I quash my kid's imagination and tell him he's talking to air? Do I tell him he's not, in fact, Captain Jack Sparrow and the bathtub is not The Black Pearl? Do I tell him that we are not actually sword fighting with chop sticks and are not Medieval Knights?
What do you think I do?

National Day of Prayer: So What?

Today is the National Day of Prayer. It was originally passed into law by Harry Truman in 1952 and stipulated that the President set aside one day a year as a day of prayer. It been going on for 53 years and is an "American tradition".

As an Atheist, I don't really care that today is National Day of Prayer, so I was just planning on going about my business like I normally do and just treat it like any other day, but it seems like some more "hardcore" atheist people and groups are taking their "anger" at today and taking it one step further. The Freedom from Religion Foundation, a group which I belong to and generally support its causes, scored a "major victory" on April 15, when U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb ruled that the National Day of Prayer violates the First Amendment to the Constitution. The White House quickly appealed the decision and President Obama declared that a National Day of Prayer would indeed continue and issued a very stern proclamation.

See, this is where many Atheists and I start to disagree. While a National Day of Prayer may be unconstitutional, it would be more unconstitutional if it were called a National Day of Christianity and Praying to Jesus. By reading Obama's proclamation, it is clear that the NDP leaves the spectrum of the term "prayer" wide open. While many Christian folk will use today to give an extra shout-out to the "man upstairs", Pagans may take moment to walk with the trees or nature spirits for an extra minute or two, Hindus may spend some free time conversing with Ganesh or Kali, Buddhists may chant for an extra 5 minutes. And Atheists and Secular Humanists may watch an extra episode of Nova or Cosmos and discuss the wonders of the Hubble telescope.

The bottom line is that the term "prayer" can be loosely defined to fit whatever need suits you best. The NDP does not specifically determine WHAT or WHO people should pray to, but rather suggest everyone take a minute to "take it all in". Whether that be as a moment of prayer to whatever higher power suits you, or just maybe taking a deep breath and saying, "Gee Universe, I'm so lucky that the crap shoot that is life and evolution accidentally made me."

So maybe I'm a bad Atheist because I'm not screaming in a picket line that the NDP should be abolished, It doesn't affect me. A National Day of Prayer is not going to suddenly make me believe in a god, start knocking on people's doors at 9am, and going to church (well, only if I'm going into a church to admire the art and architecture). So why bother getting all upset about it? There are more pressing church/state issues that need attention, most importantly the Texas Board of Education's "revamping" of its history curriculum to fit the Evangelical Right's needs.

Sure, many fanatics will use today as a way of pushing their "America is a Christian Nation" ideology, but any intelligent, educated person knows that isn't true. While very religious men, our Founding Fathers first of all were NOT Christians, they were Deists, and they understood the importance of not putting one religion over another. They clearly set out rules and doctrines that outlined this concept. But, with the very strong Evangelical Christian presence in this country, that line between church and state has thinned and I understand why many Atheists may get a little "trigger happy" to start marching and protesting about everything.

But is this really necessary? Who cares if it is National Day of Prayer? It has no effect on my day. Why should it affect yours? It's like the abortion issue or the gun issue. If you are against abortion, don't have one. If you don't want a gun, don't buy one. No one is forcing anyone to go out and pray today, no one os forcing us into churches or temples or mosques, no one is forcing us to change our beliefs.

It's National Day of Prayer today. Do with it what you will. Personally, I hope many people are so hell bent on praying that they stay home and reduce some of the traffic around here!

Mr. Deity Explains It All

 

I am a big fan of PZ Myer’s blog, Pharyngula, and it was while I was reading through it the other day that I came across Mr. Deity.

A very witty and satirical look at religion and its idiosyncracies, its contradictions, and the general silliness of it all.  Also, the actor who plays Jesus (who Mr. Deity insists on calling “Jesse”) is very easy on the eyes.  Here are a couple of samples from the three seasons, including one with PZ Myers, as The Science Advisor.

God and Flu Propaganda

I recently came across this story while stumbling around StumbleUpon:

Young flu victim's mom: 'I know Hallee's in heaven' on The Murfreesboro Post

Excuse me while I barf.  Don’t get me wrong, I am sad that this little girl died, but come on.  The religious idiocy spewing from this article made me want to rip my face off.  Oh yes, your god is so wonderful and great that he would let a little girl die. And not quickly. No, he’s so wonderful and caring that he is going to let your child suffer innumerably and then he’s going to kill her. You can’t tell me that people really believe this idiocy.  This poor kid. I guess I can be thankful that she was so heavily brainwashed that she was not frightened at the end. Something we should all be so lucky to have, but come on.  If this isn’t proof positive that god and religion are farces to keep your fear of death at bay, then what is?

I also love how this article hints that she died of some type of flu, mentioning it just enough to scare Average Joe and family and glosses over completely that her death was caused by another medical issue that was ailing her.  The flu just compounded it.

I realize I don’t blog often anymore and many of my blogs seem very cranky as of late, but there is so much junk going on in this world that I simply don’t have time to spread my cynicism this thin.  Plus, I have a 3 year old who is way more exciting and entertaining that the sad, boring news. I would much rather be discussing the merits of Chick Hicks and Lightning McQueen that crankily poring over some bullshit news story.

So, I’m sorry you died little girl. 

Unnecessary (and utterly stupid) Hate Mail

Continuing the saga of the hate mail that ends up in my various inboxes, today we have one that didn't even have to be written. I recently set up a Meet-Up group page for FLorida Atheists and Secular Humanists (FLASH) Parents, HERE. Meet-Up then sends out a mass email to people interested in the various categories that I listed the group under. In this case it was "parenting", "atheist", "secular humanism", "stay at home moms", and "parents & families".

And thus, I received my first hate mail!

The following message was sent to you by a Meetup member (Note,
they're not a member of your Meetup Group.)

* It was sent to you by: XXXXXXX (User ID: XXXXXX)

* XXXXX requested a response. To respond simply reply to this
email. (Note that when you reply, XXXXXX will have your email
address.)

What XXXXXX wrote:
----------------------------------------------------------------
This is sick!!!! Why would you send me an invitation to your BS
Athiest Group? I do not wish to receive anything from this
group. Have a blessed day.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Notice a couple of things. First of all, she didn't even have to reply to the invitation. She could have just ignored it and moved on with her day. I get tons of Meet-Up invites because I'm signed up for several categories, and I just ignore the ones I'm not interested in. But no, XXXXX here had to take all of her Christian love and goodness and write me a nasty one. Secondly, the idiot doesn't even know how to spell Atheist, despite the fact that the email she received had it plastered all over it.

So anyhow, I was going to let it go, but if you know me, you know I don't let things go, so here was my response:

Thank you so much for responding so kindly to the Meet-Up invitation you received. I am sure you are unaware that Meet-Up sends new group announcements to everyone who is signed up for certain categories and since it is obvious you are signed up for "parenting" groups, you received an invite. I did not seek you out and send you the invitation personally.

It is obvious from your note that you are a kind and caring person, and that you are teaching your children tolerance and respect for other beliefs that are not your own.

Thank you for being the epitome of the hypocritical religious person, who in one sense can write such a nasty and unnecessary note in response to a mass invitation and then turn around and wish me a "blessed" day. Thank you. Thank you for reinforcing the stereotype of the bigoted, intolerant, religious fanatic. You are a testament to your faith and a shining example for all Atheists and Secular Humanists everywhere.

Warm Regards,

Alessia Lane

Organizer FLASH Parents

Organizer Ex Libris: A Book Club With Brains

Assistant Organizer: The Hollywood Moms Meet-Up Group

Atheist Hate

I couldn't let this go for some reason so I wrote a letter to the Tyra show. I don't even watch her show, but I just couldn't let this go without a comment. Here is my letter below:


I just recently caught a clip of the Tyra show that featured Steve Harvey and I was disgusted and appalled at his comments about atheists. I was more offended at the reaction that Tyra gave, laughing as he made disparaging comments about a group of people as having no "moral barometer" if they do not believe in god.

Let me introduce myself. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a college graduate, an activist, and a human being. I am also an Atheist. I do not believe in god, gods, goddesses, or any sort of divine creator of this universe. My husband is an Atheist, and we are raising our child free from religion. This does not mean that we are teaching him religion is wrong and that we are right, it means that we are teaching him that the world is a gigantic place, and the millions of people that inhabit it, all look, feel, and believe differently.

We are not "immoral" people. We love, we laugh, we cry, we yell and scream, we tickle, we eat too much, and we spend too much time on the internet. Our "moral barometer" is based on our human consciousness of what is right and wrong. We do not kill, or steal, or hurt people, not for fear of the wrath of some imaginary cloud being, but for the mere fact that, as human beings, our NATURAL intellect dictates that these things are wrong.

Steve Harvey's comments were bigoted and prejudicial. If someone were to juxtapose the words "Jew" or "Muslim" or "Asian" into his statements about Atheism, would the audience have been so quick to titter? And would Tyra have allowed such hate-speech to be spoken so freely without comment?

The reality is that this country is made up of many godless individuals. There are many of us who do not believe in god, who lead normal, productive, and yes, MORAL lives. The Freedom From Religion Foundation put the percentage of Atheists in this country at 14% at last count. We are still citizens of this nation. We vote, we pay taxes, and we deserve the same respect given to any other individual, whether they be god-fearing or not.

If Steve Harvey, or anyone for that matter, wishes to base their opinion on someone on whether or not they believe in god or not, I am sorry to say that they will be missing out on some very interesting people. Some of the greatest minds in the world are god-free: Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, the late great author Douglas Adams, astronomer Carl Sagan, scientist Marie Curie, James Watson and Francis Crick who discovered the double helix and the origin of DNA, Seth McFarlane of Family Guy fame, author Kurt Vonnegut, George Clooney, Lance Armstrong, Natalie Portman, Katherine Hepburn, the list is endless.

What a sad existence it must be to be so closed minded and believe that your god would allow such hatred.

My conscience is my guide. There is no need to cling to spiritual fantasy. Our lives and our child's life are enriched by reality, not illusion.

Reprehensible Behavior

I don't like proselytizers. I don't like them in any way shape or form, whether they be evangelical Christians, Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, Baptists, Seventh-Day Adventists, Sixth Day Adventists, 23rd Day Adventists, whatever! I just learned that Jews are now going door to door and I don't like them either! I don't even like people coming to my door to sell me magazines or ask me how happy I am about my phone service. The religious ones are intrusive and the marketing ones are annoying and they all happen to choose to knock while I am in the middle of something and/or nap time so the dog goes crazy and wakes up D.

Bottom line, I do not like proselytizers. If you love your religion so much, go sing about it in your church and make a YouTube video about it and mail me a letter. Don't knock on my door asking me if I've "heard the good news" because unless that "good news" involves Clive Owen, being skinny without dieting, and a stable bank account, I'm not really going to listen. And, if you leave my doorstep shaking your head and feeling that I am less of a person because I don't share in your "good news", well let me just give you some advice on where to stick it.

In the past, most people that have knocked on my door, wherever I have lived, have been adults. Some are pushy, some are nice, some start praying on your doorstep when you try to be polite and not scream at them to "fuck off", but 95% of the time, they are well dressed adults who are interested in dialoguing with me about Jesus and his dad and why I should become a zombie. That's fine and dandy with me. But as of late I've noticed a new trend with the Witnesses: children.

Since moving to Florida, every time the Witnesses have knocked on my door, the ADULTS have hung back on the sidewalk about 10-15 feet away and let a SMALL CHILD walk up my driveway and knock on my door with their little hands gripping the many copies of The Watchtower. How absolutely vile is that? It horrifies me to no end. I am finding it very difficult to find the ways to describe how much that disgusts me. Children should not be used as manipulative means to push your god. Do these people think that I'm going to see a kid and say, "Oh yes! I believe in Jesus now because this little boy just knocked on my door." And how horrible can I feel closing the door in a child's face after saying, "No thanks hon!". Can you imagine what that does to a kid? I mean, it's hard enough getting a door shut in your face as an adult, but how about for a little child? Walking up to big doors, with strangers behind them , who say "No" to you. It's traumatic I'm sure.

But it doesn't end with children for these people. No, it gets worse. I thought I had seen it all when the toddler knocked on my door a few months back with his BABY sister in his arms, but today took the cake.

At about 9:30am this morning, I saw the Witness troupe coming up the block. I didn't see any children in tow and I was thankful for that. I put the dog out back, preparing myself for the inevitable knock and my, "No thank you, we are Atheists" speech, but no knock came. I saw the group standing in front of my house and for once, I thought they had seen my sign and understood it, so I moved along with getting D ready to go out. And then I heard it. A feeble knock on the door. Instantly I thought it was a child and got grumpy, but when I opened the door I was greeted with something so reprehensible that I was almost rendered speechless.

She was an older woman, maybe 60 years old. She walked with a cane and appeared to be hunched at the back. What startled me was not her appearance but the fact that she was MENTALLY HANDICAPPED. She was so severely handicapped that she could not speak, emitting small grunts as she tried to hand me her "Jesus saves" pamphlet. I was appalled. It is one thing to push small children, who will one day grow and learn and form their own opinions on what has been taught to them, but to take advantage of this woman and EXPLOIT her in this fashion infuriates me to no end. As usual, the "normal" (for lack of a better word) people sat on the sidewalk 10-15 feet away, while this poor woman, manipulated and exploited by those who purportedly work for a "loving god", sat on my doorstep with vacant eyes trying to peddle salvation.

What do I do? What could I do? I smiled, said "No thank you" (omitting the "we're Atheists" part since she wouldn't understand anyhow) and closed the door. I watched her shuffle back to her group and continue her trek in the hot sun. I wanted to cry for that woman and I wanted to kick the people in charge of her in the face repeatedly.

I still have an awful taste in my mouth from the whole experience and if there is ever cause for me to hate another person or group, I think I found it today.

Observations, Rants, and Playing Catch-Up

I've been lax in my blogging. I have. It's not for lack of wanting to blog because I'd get ideas or vents I wanted to post and then something would happen and I would either forget or end-up having to give the dog yet another bath because Dante decided to go Jackson Pollock on her fur. A big shout out to Crayola Washable Markers, because yes, they are. Even on dog fur. I'd also forget to blog because it would be 3 am and I would have the urge to come type, but then I'd fall asleep the moment I logged in. You see, it's hard to find blog time when every second of the day is spent following a little person around who has the talent of finding everything he's not supposed to touch and touch it. The other day he walked into the room where I was folding clothes with this "I have something I'm not supposed to have in my hand" look on his face and the moment I said, "What have you got D", he ran out of the room saying "You can't catch me mommy!". To which I did indeed catch him only to find that he had somehow found a bottle of glitter that we use for arts and crafts time and had decided to sprinkle the rug in his playroom so as to make it look like Liberace had stopped by for a visit. LOVELY. The other day he came over to me as I was packing up the bag for the park and said, "Mommy, I'm all better now, smell." Which in "2 year old code" means, "I've just done something potentially dangerous so don't freak out". Turns out, he had climbed onto the toilet in his bathroom, taken the Baby Vicks cream and rubbed it on his chest. Thankfully he had not eaten any or we'd still be in the hospital, he for poison ingestion and me for a nervous breakdown.

But I'm not complaining. Dante is a great kid, despite the tantrums, the constant use of "no" as an answer to everything, and the infinite numbers of times he says , "but whyyyyyy" to me when I tell him something.
"Dante, please go put your shoes away", I say.
"But whyyyyyyyy", he replies.
"Because we don't leave our shoes all over the house."
"But why mommy we no hab shoo all ober how?"
"Because they're stinky"
"But why dey sticky?"
"Because you have smelly feet Dante now go put them away"
"But why mommy but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
"Because I said so, that's why"
"NO!"

That's pretty much my day. Juxtapose "put away your shoes" with "don't hit the dog", "get your hands out of the garbage", "don't pick up that ant", "please do not throw cheese on the wall", "do you have to go peepee in the potty", and our favorite, "Dante, please stop playing with your penis". I had really nice thick hair before I had a child. My hair now falls out in clumps and looks like straw. I also get zits now. I never used to get zits. Hm. I'm pretty sure there's a connection.

Moving on. THANK THE FRICKING UNIVERSE BARACK OBAMA WON THE ELECTION. Seriously, I was getting very nervous there in the end. I kept having visions of a McCain/Palin administration and the Margaret Atwood book, "The Handmaid's Tale" all coming together as one and I was seriously considering moving my family to New Zealand. I could not believe this election. The campaign that the Republican party ran was one of the ugliest, ignorant, smear-filled ones I have ever seen. It wasn't about issues, it wasn't about policy, it was about a man who was not white running for President and all the talking heads can vehemently deny it, but that's what it was about. Had Barack Obama been blond and blue eyed, from a benign state like Vermont, and had his name been Michael Thomas Smith, I can guarantee you that the race to the White House would have been much, much different. I was so sick and tired of seeing Sarah Palin's face on television. I was so sick and tired of seeing all the YouTube videos of racist, assfucks at these rallies carrying "Obama Monkey" dolls and screaming "socialist" and "kill the n****er". I saw a woman refusing to pass out Halloween candy to children whose parents were voting for Obama; a man "lynching" an Obama effigy from a tree and claiming it was "free speech" and America was a "white Christian nation that should only be led by white Christians"; and I saw more ignorance, hatred, and filth that I would care to see in my lifetime. How happy I was to wake up Wednesday and know that all these backwoods fucks had to eat shit.

Yet unfortunately, it is still continuing; this racist, intolerant bigotry against Obama supporters. You would think that those against him would shut the fuck up now, crawl back to their bunkers and snuggle up to their swastika flags but no, now we've got priests refusing to grant communion to parishioners who voted for Obama, and pastors throwing people out of church for having Obama stickers on their car. Seriously? Really? They claim that they are doing this because of Obama's stance on abortion (B is exceedingly pro-choice) and say that no good Catholic would have voted for Obama and therefore these parishioners are not welcome. Really? Hm. Well, there is a HUGE group in the US called Catholics for Choice. Father Douchebag and his friend Reverend Asslick should look into it. I may be a "crazy atheist" but I vividly remember a passage in the bible that reads "God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him" (John 4:16). Hm. Where does, "if you don't agree with my politics, even though I am a servant of the church and cannot endorse a political candidate, I can kick you out for voting against something I don't agree with" occur in the bible? Is it in Ezekiel? Deuteronomy? Psalms? Maybe it's in the NEW New Testament, the one alloted only to certain asshats and idiots?

Moving on again. Life on Mars. I've been watching this show on ABC every week since it began. It is taken from the BBC show of the same name but I've never seen it so I don't know how true it sticks to its original counterpart. Long story short, the plot centers around a NYC cop in 2008 who gets hit by a car and ends up in NYC in 1973. The whole show is him trying to "get back" to 2008. You get hints that he's in a coma in 2008 and that his life in 1973 may be his subconscious working overtime, but so far it has been a good show. Michael Imperioli, a.k.a. Christopher Moltisanti from The Sopranos is on it, and he's great. It's also stars Harvey Keitel and is filmed in the retro-sepia-style film. I feel like I'm watching Starsky and Hutch sometimes. Anyhow, I was loving this show; part sci-fi, part cop drama, it was engaging. And then they had to go screw it all up by making it all about prayer and god and jesus. Seriously. I was banging my head on the table at last week's episode. The story was centered around the "killing" of a little girl. Her supposed killer sought sanctuary in a neighborhood church and our future cop, while interrogating the priest, reveals that he's doesn't believe in "your god" (while speaking to the priest) and that he has no interest in "praying for the soul of the little girl". Here I am all excited that there's finally an atheist character on TV who isn't in a Seth McFarlane cartoon or on WifeSwap. Yet my elation doesn't last long as the whole show turns into this "I need to find god again so I can come out of my coma and get back to 2008" bullcrap. The end of the episode has our hero PRAYING at his bedside. So, in a nutshell, fuck you Life on Mars. Go choke on a bible.

What else? Still no bun in the oven. Well there was a bun in the oven but I lost it last month. Yes, sad. Yes, frustrating. Yes, discouraging. But it just means we get to keep trying. It's so strange how I spent most of my youth trying not to get pregnant and now when I do want to get knocked-up, it's become this complicated and difficult process. I never thought I'd say I was getting sick of having sex, but, I'm sick of having sex. Now it's more like, "Hey honey come over here and stick it in for a second before D wakes up from nap". My poor Randy is all trying to be romantic and sexy and I'm just like, "Ok dude, just back and forth, in and out, and let your boys go swimming, I've got to fold some laundry". Pretty raunchy eh? Fingers crossed that one of these days I'll write with some good news.

I think that sums up most of the stuff I wanted to vent about. Oh no, wait. One more thing. It's quick because I don't have that much info. There's a new remake coming out. Now, you all know how I feel about remakes, (see The Curse of the Remake for a gauge) so you won't be surprised to hear of my absolute disgust in discovering that there is a remake slated for 2010 of the 1979 classic film Meatballs. Yes, I said it. Some asswipe is remaking Meatballs. On that note, I will leave you with my son's two favorite words which, I believe, express my feelings perfectly upon hearing this news:

BUT WHY?

Publix + Jesus = BFF

Seeing a pattern? If not, please refer to my previous post and then laugh at my hysterical joke. If you don't laugh, well, tough.

Anyhow, here's a little tidbit of information for my mommies out there: Atheist, jewish, catholic, buddhist, rastafari, muslim, great-pumpkinites, whatever. Did you know that Publix is BFF with Jesus? I didn't. And I like Publix. My neighborhood Publix is awesome. The manager, a very dashing Mr. Tom Chiles is one very cool cat and always makes an effort to say hello. Plus, the store is clean and nice and has great food and Dante always gets a cookie from Rhonda at the Bakery. So, I like Publix. Publix is my friend. I like Publix so much that when Dante was born, I joined their Baby Club and got a big childcare book for free (a $20 value) and coupons quarterly for the past two years! Nice eh?

But alas, Publix is BFF with Jesus and I have an issue with that. Not because I'm jealous and want Publix all to myself, but because I have this teensy weensy eensy beensy issue with corporations that do business with faith-based organizations. You see, I'm a firm believer (no pun intended) in that little notion that faith and religion are private matters; issues that should be personal and not shoved into everyone's face. If you love Jesus, good for you! If you think Cabbage should be sacred and prayed to, then go for it! If you believe that we're all aliens from the planet Craputron and that we should all worship a left over tuna sandwich, go right ahead! I'm not here to stop you. What I am here to stop you from doing is reminding me and proselytizing to me about why I should believe what you do and how I am wrong if I do not. Now, when a public corporation gets into cahoots with an organization like this, I get a little icky feeling in my stomach and get cranky. No, it's not the "Angry Atheist" in me that feels this way, rather it's the Human Being that I am that believes that everyone is entitled to a voice, not just those who scream the loudest about being right.

So why do I now think that Publix and Jesus are BFF? Well, since Dante is turning 2 next month, he has now "graduated" to the Publix Preschool Club. We got the paperwork for it the other day and I filled it out and signed him up on their website. It's pretty much the same thing as the Baby Club but the actitivies, newsletters, and coupons are now geared more toward a toddler and older child. I didn't have much time to check out the site the other day so I just signed him up and let it be. Tonight, though, I had time to peruse the website more clearly and in reading some of the activities and guides for parents I noticed a logo advertisement at the end of each article that said MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and then a website. I clicked the site and THIS is what I got:

MOPS International is a Christian non-profit organization that believes in working with local Christian churches/parachurches to maximize ministry opportunities to God’s Kingdom. MOPS programs are chartered in churches of many different denominations and Christian traditions, but all share the common desire to reach out with the gospel of Jesus Christ and to bring glory to God in everything.

Um, say wha? This is what the Publix Preschool Club is about? Sorry "sisters in Christ" but this "sister" is saying "sayonara" to Publix Preschool Club and kindly telling you to take your faith-based organization and shove it up your glory hole. Catch my drift? What the hell does Jesus have to do with being a mother and raising a preschooler? Why the hell has Publix decided to join up with this group of idiots? What, I have to believe in an imaginary friend or I won't get $1.00 off Huggies Diapers? Give me a break. I'm really disappointed in Publix for aligning themselves with such a close minded, biased organization. And again, I'm not speaking as an Atheist here, I'm speaking as a non-Christian. There are MILLIONS of people who do not believe in the same *ahem* tenets this organization has so gallantly posted on its site, so not only are they excluding mothers who are non-believers, they are excluding all other non-Christian mothers.

So, of course, I cancelled my membership and in the "reasons for cancelling" box I clicked "other" and when asked to explain I did. I simply stated that I did not support faith-based organizations and as a non-Christian I would not be a part of a club whose main contributor was a group that clearly discriminates and excludes those who are different and who believe differently than they do. I also told them that religion and parenting and coupons didn't belong in the same sentence, let alone the same room.

And now I'm pondering writing a letter to Publix. I don't know. I've just got this really bad taste in my mouth from all of it. It's really frustrating sometimes to be a non-Jesus lover because it seems like those who are BFF with Jesus ruin it for the rest of us with their shouting and yelling and butting into everything. I've lost my Publix now too. *sniff*