Observations, Rants, and Playing Catch-Up

I've been lax in my blogging. I have. It's not for lack of wanting to blog because I'd get ideas or vents I wanted to post and then something would happen and I would either forget or end-up having to give the dog yet another bath because Dante decided to go Jackson Pollock on her fur. A big shout out to Crayola Washable Markers, because yes, they are. Even on dog fur. I'd also forget to blog because it would be 3 am and I would have the urge to come type, but then I'd fall asleep the moment I logged in. You see, it's hard to find blog time when every second of the day is spent following a little person around who has the talent of finding everything he's not supposed to touch and touch it. The other day he walked into the room where I was folding clothes with this "I have something I'm not supposed to have in my hand" look on his face and the moment I said, "What have you got D", he ran out of the room saying "You can't catch me mommy!". To which I did indeed catch him only to find that he had somehow found a bottle of glitter that we use for arts and crafts time and had decided to sprinkle the rug in his playroom so as to make it look like Liberace had stopped by for a visit. LOVELY. The other day he came over to me as I was packing up the bag for the park and said, "Mommy, I'm all better now, smell." Which in "2 year old code" means, "I've just done something potentially dangerous so don't freak out". Turns out, he had climbed onto the toilet in his bathroom, taken the Baby Vicks cream and rubbed it on his chest. Thankfully he had not eaten any or we'd still be in the hospital, he for poison ingestion and me for a nervous breakdown.

But I'm not complaining. Dante is a great kid, despite the tantrums, the constant use of "no" as an answer to everything, and the infinite numbers of times he says , "but whyyyyyy" to me when I tell him something.
"Dante, please go put your shoes away", I say.
"But whyyyyyyyy", he replies.
"Because we don't leave our shoes all over the house."
"But why mommy we no hab shoo all ober how?"
"Because they're stinky"
"But why dey sticky?"
"Because you have smelly feet Dante now go put them away"
"But why mommy but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
"Because I said so, that's why"
"NO!"

That's pretty much my day. Juxtapose "put away your shoes" with "don't hit the dog", "get your hands out of the garbage", "don't pick up that ant", "please do not throw cheese on the wall", "do you have to go peepee in the potty", and our favorite, "Dante, please stop playing with your penis". I had really nice thick hair before I had a child. My hair now falls out in clumps and looks like straw. I also get zits now. I never used to get zits. Hm. I'm pretty sure there's a connection.

Moving on. THANK THE FRICKING UNIVERSE BARACK OBAMA WON THE ELECTION. Seriously, I was getting very nervous there in the end. I kept having visions of a McCain/Palin administration and the Margaret Atwood book, "The Handmaid's Tale" all coming together as one and I was seriously considering moving my family to New Zealand. I could not believe this election. The campaign that the Republican party ran was one of the ugliest, ignorant, smear-filled ones I have ever seen. It wasn't about issues, it wasn't about policy, it was about a man who was not white running for President and all the talking heads can vehemently deny it, but that's what it was about. Had Barack Obama been blond and blue eyed, from a benign state like Vermont, and had his name been Michael Thomas Smith, I can guarantee you that the race to the White House would have been much, much different. I was so sick and tired of seeing Sarah Palin's face on television. I was so sick and tired of seeing all the YouTube videos of racist, assfucks at these rallies carrying "Obama Monkey" dolls and screaming "socialist" and "kill the n****er". I saw a woman refusing to pass out Halloween candy to children whose parents were voting for Obama; a man "lynching" an Obama effigy from a tree and claiming it was "free speech" and America was a "white Christian nation that should only be led by white Christians"; and I saw more ignorance, hatred, and filth that I would care to see in my lifetime. How happy I was to wake up Wednesday and know that all these backwoods fucks had to eat shit.

Yet unfortunately, it is still continuing; this racist, intolerant bigotry against Obama supporters. You would think that those against him would shut the fuck up now, crawl back to their bunkers and snuggle up to their swastika flags but no, now we've got priests refusing to grant communion to parishioners who voted for Obama, and pastors throwing people out of church for having Obama stickers on their car. Seriously? Really? They claim that they are doing this because of Obama's stance on abortion (B is exceedingly pro-choice) and say that no good Catholic would have voted for Obama and therefore these parishioners are not welcome. Really? Hm. Well, there is a HUGE group in the US called Catholics for Choice. Father Douchebag and his friend Reverend Asslick should look into it. I may be a "crazy atheist" but I vividly remember a passage in the bible that reads "God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him" (John 4:16). Hm. Where does, "if you don't agree with my politics, even though I am a servant of the church and cannot endorse a political candidate, I can kick you out for voting against something I don't agree with" occur in the bible? Is it in Ezekiel? Deuteronomy? Psalms? Maybe it's in the NEW New Testament, the one alloted only to certain asshats and idiots?

Moving on again. Life on Mars. I've been watching this show on ABC every week since it began. It is taken from the BBC show of the same name but I've never seen it so I don't know how true it sticks to its original counterpart. Long story short, the plot centers around a NYC cop in 2008 who gets hit by a car and ends up in NYC in 1973. The whole show is him trying to "get back" to 2008. You get hints that he's in a coma in 2008 and that his life in 1973 may be his subconscious working overtime, but so far it has been a good show. Michael Imperioli, a.k.a. Christopher Moltisanti from The Sopranos is on it, and he's great. It's also stars Harvey Keitel and is filmed in the retro-sepia-style film. I feel like I'm watching Starsky and Hutch sometimes. Anyhow, I was loving this show; part sci-fi, part cop drama, it was engaging. And then they had to go screw it all up by making it all about prayer and god and jesus. Seriously. I was banging my head on the table at last week's episode. The story was centered around the "killing" of a little girl. Her supposed killer sought sanctuary in a neighborhood church and our future cop, while interrogating the priest, reveals that he's doesn't believe in "your god" (while speaking to the priest) and that he has no interest in "praying for the soul of the little girl". Here I am all excited that there's finally an atheist character on TV who isn't in a Seth McFarlane cartoon or on WifeSwap. Yet my elation doesn't last long as the whole show turns into this "I need to find god again so I can come out of my coma and get back to 2008" bullcrap. The end of the episode has our hero PRAYING at his bedside. So, in a nutshell, fuck you Life on Mars. Go choke on a bible.

What else? Still no bun in the oven. Well there was a bun in the oven but I lost it last month. Yes, sad. Yes, frustrating. Yes, discouraging. But it just means we get to keep trying. It's so strange how I spent most of my youth trying not to get pregnant and now when I do want to get knocked-up, it's become this complicated and difficult process. I never thought I'd say I was getting sick of having sex, but, I'm sick of having sex. Now it's more like, "Hey honey come over here and stick it in for a second before D wakes up from nap". My poor Randy is all trying to be romantic and sexy and I'm just like, "Ok dude, just back and forth, in and out, and let your boys go swimming, I've got to fold some laundry". Pretty raunchy eh? Fingers crossed that one of these days I'll write with some good news.

I think that sums up most of the stuff I wanted to vent about. Oh no, wait. One more thing. It's quick because I don't have that much info. There's a new remake coming out. Now, you all know how I feel about remakes, (see The Curse of the Remake for a gauge) so you won't be surprised to hear of my absolute disgust in discovering that there is a remake slated for 2010 of the 1979 classic film Meatballs. Yes, I said it. Some asswipe is remaking Meatballs. On that note, I will leave you with my son's two favorite words which, I believe, express my feelings perfectly upon hearing this news:

BUT WHY?

Say Wha? V 2.0

Here are a couple of quick facts regarding the presidential/vice presidential race. Mind you, these are FACTS. Not something the left-wing media has cooked up to make one candidate outshine another, but actual written evidentiary proof of information. I've highlighted key points.

Sarah Palin's education history: Palin attended Hawaii Pacific College in Hilo, Hawaii, in 1982 for a semester, where she majored in Business Administration, and transferred in 1983 to North Idaho College for the 1983-1984 school year. After winning a scholarship, she transferred to Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term before transferring back to the University of Idaho the following year where she finished out her college education and received a Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism from the University of Idaho in 1987, where she also minored in political science.

Outstanding Achievements:
In 1988, she worked as a sports reporter for KTUU-TV and KTVA-TV in Anchorage, Alaska and for the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman as a sports reporter.She also helped in her husband’scommercial fishing family business.

She ran for Wasilla city council in 1992, at age 28, against John Hartrick, a local telephone company worker, on a promise to bring "my progressive, competitive attitude" to the government.She won 530 votes to John Hartrick’s 310.On the council, she successfully opposed a measure to curtail the hours at Wasilla's bars by two hours.

During her first legislative session, Governor Palin’s administration passed two major pieces of legislation – an overhaul of the state’s ethics laws and a competitive process to construct a gas pipeline.

Governor Palin is chair of the Interstate Oil and Gas Compact Commission, a multi-state government agency that promotes the conservation and efficient recovery of domestic oil and natural gas resources while protecting health, safety and the environment. She was recently named chair of the National Governors Association (NGA) Natural Resources Committee, which is charged with pursuing legislation to ensure state needs are considered as federal policy is formulated in the areas of agriculture, energy, environmental protection and natural resource management. Prior to being named to this position, she served as co-chair of this committee.

Prior to her election as governor, Palin served two terms on the Wasilla City Council and two terms as the mayor/manager of Wasilla. During her tenure, she reduced property tax levels while increasing services and made Wasilla a business friendly environment, drawing in new industry.

Prior to taking office, Palin served on numerous boards and commissions throughout the state. She was active in her family’s pursuits – including serving as a sports team mom and school volunteer. She also runs marathons.

source:http://gov.state.ak.us/bio.html


Joe Biden's education history: In 1961, Biden graduated from Archmere Academy in Claymont, Delaware and, in 1965, from the University of Delaware in Newark where he double-majored in and political science. He went on to receive his J.D. from Syracuse University College of Law in 1968, and was admitted to the Delaware Bar in 1969.

Outstanding Achievements:

During Biden's 34 years in the senate, he's been recognized as a leader in foreign policy, as well as one of the nation's most influential voices on terrorism, drug policy, and crime.

Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee
Long-standing member and former Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee
Co-Chairman of the International Narcotics Control Caucus

He served an instrumental role in passing the bipartisan initiative to create a Commission on Civil Rights in 1983, to introducing the 1986 Global Climate Protection Act, to establishing an annual National Mammography Awareness Day, and to authoring the Rail Security Act of 2007 to regulate the transportation of hazardous materials on American railways, Senator Biden consistently works to tackle America's toughest challenges.

Authored the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994
2007 Biden Crime Bill

Recently introduced the College Affordability and Creating Chances for Educational Success for Students (ACCESS) Act

He also authored legislation to help foreign countries address the threats of bioterrorism and nuclear or radiological ("dirty bombs") terrorism. And he sought to expand programs to destroy unsecured weapons of mass destruction and dangerous materials in the former Soviet Union and beyond.

source: http://biden.senate.gov

So I guess my biggest question to the American people is:

WHAT'S TO CHOOSE?!?!?! HOW CAN ANYONE HAVE TROUBLE MAKING A DECISION HERE? ARE YOU A FUCKING MORON?!?!?!?

Say Wha?

Last night, as I worked at my computer as a ChaCha Guide, I had the VP debates on and was listening to them intently. I already know who I support in this election, so my reason for watching was more to try and spot the hidden earpiece Sarah Palin would be wearing, but instead I was bombarded with "you betcha's" and "Maaaaaaverick" every other word. Biden was clearly the "winner" in my eyes, coming across as a seasoned, intelligent, politician while Palin just looked like a deer in the headlights; Stepford eyes winking at the camera every chance she got, and sounding like she was just gearing up for a dinner at the Hometown Buffet with her children who are all named after dogs (Trig, Trip, Tracker, where the fuck is Spot and Fido?)

There was one instance, though, in which I had to stop what I was doing and stare dumfoundedly at the television; mouth agape; muttering to myself, "Oh no she didn't!". This is an excerpt of the quote by Sarah Palin taken from the official transcripts from CNN:

"..... who hate America and hate what we stand for, with our freedoms, our democracy, our tolerance, our respect for women's rights, those who would try to destroy what we stand for cannot....."

Wait.....What? What did she just say? "Our respect for women's rights"? Hold the phone here. Sarah Palin has absolutely NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS. How the hell can she say that? Let's look at this so-called respect Sarah Palin has for women's rights:

• Rejected sympathy for Down's Syndrome son, as gift from God.
• Opposes embryonic stem cell research.
• Every baby is created with a future and potential.
• Adoption is best plan for permanency for foster care kids.
• Pro-life.
• Choose life, even if her own daughter were raped.
• If Roe v. Wade got overturned, let people decide what's next.
• Opposes use of public funds for abortions.
• Pro-contraception, pro-woman, pro-life.
• When Sarah Palin was mayor of Wasilla, the city billed sexual assault victims and their insurance companies for the cost of rape kits and forensic examinations.
• Is a member of an anti-abortion organization called Feminists for Life.
• She is opposed to explicit sex education.

Um, ok. Where are the women's rights she's talking about? The right to cook dinner for your husband Rifle or whatever the fuck his name is? The right to clean the house and then do the grocery shopping all the while taking care of 17 kids? I'm not exactly sure what "women's rights" Sarah is talking about since she seems to be opposed to each and every right women are entitled to.

See, it's women like Sarah Palin that piss me off immensely. She's riding on the coattails of the hundreds of women who shed blood, cried tears, and fought tooth and nail to achieve equality for women in the workplace, in government, in the home and more importantly with themselves. She owes her position, her ability to run as a Vice Presidential candidate to these women, yet her outdated archaic bullshit thinking tarnishes and defames everything that these pioneers and champions of women's rights stood for. How can she, as a woman, as a second class citizen, support and condone the patriarchal, mysogynistic agenda of the Republican, religious right; which seeks to pidgeonhole women into a role of submission, of mere incubators for unwanted children, and as liable and responsible parties to their own abuse? She's like what Clarence Thomas is to black people. They stand for everything that degrades and demeans who they are.

It's like those evangelical gay republican christian groups. How confused are those people?

I cannot believe the American people are this stupid that they would fall this thing named Sarah Palin. I've just spent the last 8 years averting my eyes everytime Dubya came on screen because he made me physically ill. I don't want that to happen for the next four. I can't look at her. She infuriates me. Are the American people this stupid? I sincerely hope not.

Thou Shalt Always Kill