Sunday, March 25, 2007

Scion Life

We would like to welcome a new addition to our family, Randy's new baby, the 2007 Scion tC in Black Cherry Pearl. Ain't she cute?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ghetto Un-Fabulous Updated

***NOTE: My mom read this blog and said that I sounded racist. Let me STRONGLY disagree with that. I don't care whether you are black, white, purple, orange with plaid stripes, this blog had nothing to do with the ethnicity of the players. My beef is with their behavior, NOT their skin tone (or lack thereof in the case of Mr. and Mrs. Throw). If anyone reading this felt that I was being discriminatory in any way, I apologize as that was not my intent. As I said, my beef is with these individuals' actions, not their appearance. You could be Lurr from the Planet Omincron Persei 5 (insert random Futurama reference here) and blasting Stevie Wonder at 2 am from your spaceship would STILL not be ok. *******

Do you ever have those certain people in your neighborhood that just bring down the whole "value" of people in your hood? I mean, they just act so ignorant and classless that any attempts to try and make your street a nice environment go right out the window? I say this because this is the case on our street. Our side of the street is all people who care for their houses and lawns; who make it a point to get to know everyone around them; who help out and pitch in when someone on the street is in need; who are, and forgive me for quoting Mr. Fred Rogers here, Good Neighbors. The opposite side of the street is just that: Opposite.

Example 1: Drunkie McDrunkness
She is the neighbor who has all her windows open along with her front door and likes to blast her stereo. Trust me, there is nothing wrong with Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, P-Funk, and the like, but I swear, if this woman continues to play her stereo at full volume with all her house's orifices open AT 2 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, I think I may have to move my speakers to her door, throw on B.Y.O.B by system of a down and blast her ass. Knocking on her door (those few times she has it closed) doesn't do any good, as her music is so loud that she can't hear us knocking. Calling the cops doesn't work because all they do is tell her to turn it down and drive away. Yelling at the top of my lungs that "not everyone in the neighborhood wants to hear your shit" doesn't work either. I mean, it's gotten to the point where we cannot have our windows open at night and I LIKE sleeping with the windows open when it is cool out. Reasoning with the woman is next to impossible for, as you may have guessed from the alias I have assigned her, she not exactly sober most of the time. Oh, and don't let me forget to mention the drunken tirades she likes to go on either on her cell phone or with The Invisible Man. And because she has all her windows and door open, we get to hear every word! Lovely.

Example 2: Mr. Woman Beater aka Thug Wannabe
This is Drunkie McDrunkness's teenage son. He's the epitome of an asshole. Uneducated, unmotivated, immoral and sags his pants so low, I want to just run over to him and pull his damn pants up and tell him to go to school. Fucking Loser. Most recently, we had to call the cops on him as he was beating the shit out of his girlfriend in the front yard, while his mother (see Example 1) was screaming up and down the street about "take em bof ta jail, I ain't takin' it no mo'". Seriously, the dude had his girfriend on the ground and was closed-fist punching her like she was Mike Tyson. And the kicker? We were at a BBQ a week later at a neighbor's house down the street and the two of them showed up all lovey dovey. I wanted to smack that girl, but judging by her taste in men, she may have wanted to be my best friend if I did that. Wonderful.

Example 3: Mr. and Mrs. Let's Throw Shit and Scream at Eachother on the Porch
This is the newest addition to our street. They, of course, are on the opposite side as they enjoy having HUGE verbal fights right out on their front porch. And they like to throw things. Tonight, for example, Mr. Throw decided to toss the motorcycle at the house for some reason or another. There I was lying peacefully in bed, doing Sunday's puzzle, when I hear a crash outside. Now, it sounded REALLY close to our driveway and my car so I run out to the front porch only to see, across the street, Mr. and Mrs. Throw going at it. Again. It's kind of sad, but not really, but a few weeks ago they had a "Just Married" painted on their van. Awww how cute. Hell, they've got 3 kids was about time no? Before they were just boyfriend and girlfriend throwing things at eachother, but now they can do it as husband and wife! Excellent!

Example 4: The I'm Too Lazy to Get Out of My Car, so I'll just Lean on my Horn
Ok, so this doesn't really constitute a neighborhood person, but it's the "friends" of a person so tough shit deal with it. Ok, what does it take to GET OUT of your car and walk the TEN steps to the front door of your pal's house, knock, and say hello. Why do you have to be such a lazy mother fucker that you just pull up and HONK continually until the person comes out. You can't even just honk once; like a courtesy honk; a little . NO! You have to drive up, bass blasting out of your car like you're the VH-1 Hip Hop Honors and LEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN on that horn. Are your pants too saggy that you can't get out of the car? Is the Hummer that you're driving too precious to leave parked for 10 seconds? And why is it always that y'all seem to go visiting right when Dante has gone down for a nap. Do you have baby radar that lets you know when children are asleep so you can go honk??!?!?! Bastards.

Ok, so I'm not saying that we're perfect neigbors. I mean, yes, we DO have skulls and gargoyles on our roof and we do keep most of our Halloween decorations up all year. BUT! We keep our house nice, we mow our lawn, we keep our noise down to a minimum, and most of all we are CONSIDERATE of the people around us. So many people in our neighborhood are trying to make this a nicer 'hood, and we've got these idiots who screw it up.

I think I'll bulldoze that whole side of the street and put up a playground.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

When it rains, it pours........

It's been a week. A week. One of those "where is the nearest hole I can jump into" week. It didn't start out that way, but here we are, Friday night and my hair is still falling out. So, let's start at the beginning.

Last Sunday, we slept in, had a nice breakfast at IHOP where Dante's girlfriend Delreese (a very pretty woman who has known us since Dante was still a twinkle in Randy's eye) served us up some yummy omelets and pancakes. Dante had his favorite fruit cup and juice, while staring lovingly at his Nubian princess. Seriously, the kid is ga-ga over her, and rightfully so. She's quite the awesome chick. Anyhow, over our eggs and toast, Randy and I decide to go to Sawgrass Mills Mall for the day and just walk around. After some serious debating and dicussing, we realized that we had been really frugal for the past few weeks and had relieved ourselves of 98% of our debts, and thus we decide that we are going to sink the dough into an Xbox 360. We had considered the Wii or the PS3, but the Wii is next to impossible to find and the PS3 comes with a hefty $599 price tag. So we decided on the $399 Xbox 360, and a game for each of us. Why not? We had been saving really well and taking good care of our finances. So we splurged, bought the 360 and Tomb Raider: Legend and Lost Planet.

On our way home from the mall, Dante began fussing in his car seat. He was sleepy and there was traffic, so we were not moving fast enough to lull him to nap. He was hollering up a storm back there and there was no pleasing him. I handed him my cell phone to soothe him, as the lights and the *boops* and *beeps* always calm him at home and he quickly quieted down and we spent the rest of the car trip in peace. Upon arriving home, I retrieved my cell phone from my little lamb only to find that it was DRENCHED in slobber. So, I turned it off, removed the battery and let it dry. Well, guess what? My cell phone is broken. My brand new I-never-get-insurance-on-these-damn-things-and-I-just-used-my-$150-rebate-to-buy-it-cell phone is soaked in baby drool and the keypad no longer functions properly. Sure, I can receive phone calls and text messages, but I can no longer access my menu, my camera, my settings or my contact list. Nevermind when I try and press *Talk*. My phone goes wacko and jumps through a thousand screens in a second. Great. Just great. Now I need a new phone. And we just sank over $500 into a damn Xbox 360.

But it doesn't end there. Tuesday the CV joints on Randy's car start acting up. Randy says not to worry as he can ride them out for a few weeks while we save up the extra $$$ to get new ones. His car runs fine and it is not really a safety issue...........................................wait for it..................................................

Guess who calls me from the side of the road Thursday night? No, not the Easter Bunny. No, not Santa Claus. No, not Condoleeza Rice. If you guessed Randy, *ding ding ding* you are right. His car blew up on 95 South and Atlantic coming home from work. And guess what? I need to call him a tow truck and have it towed to our house. BAM! There goes $120. Oh wait! Now he has to go buy new CV joints..................$214 out the window!

Not over yet...........So Randy has his car up on jacks today all ready to change out the CV joints and fix his car. And what does he find? The Hub and the bearing that ties the steering knuckle to the joints and said Hub is also in need of repair. $90 to Advance Auto Parts YET AGAIN, AND!!!...I now am the epitome of the redneck wife as we have a CAR UP ON BLOCKS in our front yard.

I'm glaring at my Xbox 360 right now. But you know what, Tomb Raider effing rocks and we'll be okay. We've got 23 people coming over for a cookout tomorrow. It's our monthly South Florida Punk Parents Group meeting. Randy's cooking ribs and all the cool moms and dads and babies will be there.

But it has been a week.