I remember the first time I was pregnant, I relished in my pregnant body. I loved how "big" I was getting and was always jumping in front of a camera to show off how awesome I was. I can recall telling people that I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant because it was the first time in my life I was comfortable in my own skin.
Not so much.
I look and feel just plain FAT. Nevermind that I actually weigh LESS now than I did when I was this far along with Dante and nevermind that I have only gained between 6 and 10 pounds in almost 5 months. No, disregard all that. I just feel FAT. I saw pictures of me at a brunch the other day and was appalled at how fat I looked. It wasn't even cute. I didn't even have that "cute" pregnant look. I looked like Jabba the Hutt about the feast on a small child if it walked by.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I gained so much weight with Dante and then, after becoming hypothyroid, gained even more, so I was enormous in the years following Dante's birth. It was not until last March that I was diagnosed with the thyroid problem and put on medication and began dieting and excercising properly. Consequently, I took off almost 45 pounds and looked and felt great.
Then I got pregnant, which, was the whole purpose of "getting healthy" since my added weight was preventing me from producing eggs and conceiving.
I think I am just paranoid now, that I am going to put all this weight back on and then have to work so hard to get it all off again. Mind you, I'm still being careful about what I eat, but let's be realistic. I'm PREGNANT. I want cheeseburgers and french fries pretty much every hour on the hour. There's only SO MUCH a pregnant woman can take when it comes to will power.
So I feel like I am doing a disservice to myself this time around by constantly worrying about "getting fat" instead of just enjoying "being pregnant".