Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bo Shuda!

I remember the first time I was pregnant, I relished in my pregnant body. I loved how "big" I was getting and was always jumping in front of a camera to show off how awesome I was. I can recall telling people that I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant because it was the first time in my life I was comfortable in my own skin.

This time?

Not so much.

I look and feel just plain FAT. Nevermind that I actually weigh LESS now than I did when I was this far along with Dante and nevermind that I have only gained between 6 and 10 pounds in almost 5 months. No, disregard all that. I just feel FAT. I saw pictures of me at a brunch the other day and was appalled at how fat I looked. It wasn't even cute. I didn't even have that "cute" pregnant look. I looked like Jabba the Hutt about the feast on a small child if it walked by.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I gained so much weight with Dante and then, after becoming hypothyroid, gained even more, so I was enormous in the years following Dante's birth. It was not until last March that I was diagnosed with the thyroid problem and put on medication and began dieting and excercising properly. Consequently, I took off almost 45 pounds and looked and felt great.

Then I got pregnant, which, was the whole purpose of "getting healthy" since my added weight was preventing me from producing eggs and conceiving.

I think I am just paranoid now, that I am going to put all this weight back on and then have to work so hard to get it all off again. Mind you, I'm still being careful about what I eat, but let's be realistic. I'm PREGNANT. I want cheeseburgers and french fries pretty much every hour on the hour. There's only SO MUCH a pregnant woman can take when it comes to will power.

So I feel like I am doing a disservice to myself this time around by constantly worrying about "getting fat" instead of just enjoying "being pregnant".


Carla said...

c'mon - show us some NOW "fat", beautiful preggo pics. I do understand though. My first pregnancy, I was super cute. new maternity clothes, still working, had to look presentable. After my first and I was staying home - my pregnancy pics - hair pulled back, yoga pants or pajamas, t-shirts.
I am sure you look great!

ZenMom said...

Pounds don't matter so much.

I gained 2 pounds with baby number two and yet I was so fat and bloated and uncomfortable, I looked like the Michelin Tire Man. In a fat suit. It sucked.

I know I should say, "you're beautiful and glowy and lovely" - and you probably are!

But I also know that the truth is, sometimes you just *feel* like a hot mess when you're pregnant. And it's okay to feel that way.

As for the "after", I don't know about you, but, for me, breastfeeding was like a crash diet! I lost all the baby fat and then some. Of course, then I put it all back on, later. But if you take that opportunity to get back in to those healthier habits, I'm sure you'll be feeling positively svelte in no time. ;)

In the meantime, I hope you can get to a place where you can enjoy the "being pregnant". Because you know it goes by so fast!

On a related note, my word verification is "fatio". That's just not right.

cookiemonstersnipe said...

It could be worse.. You could swell up and get huge AFTER you had the baby like I did!

Honestly I got stretch marks all up my legs and sides after I had her... The joy!

You know it's okay not to feel great when you're pregnant, I sure as hell didnt, and wanted to kill EVERY mom who was like "Ohh it;s so cute! Look at my bump! I miss my bump! I just loved being pregnant so much"