Monday, June 18, 2007

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

I cleaned my closet today.

For most people, that sentence would just mean "I cleaned my closet today." For me, it's more of an event; a milestone if you will.

You see, I decided to pack away alot of things that I never thought I'd pack away. Things that I vowed I would never part with, or compromise, or "bow down to the man" and get rid of. But I did. I packed them away in a big suitcase I keep in Randy's closet labeled "Props and Costumes". Though at the time, I would have never dreamed of labeling those things as "props" or "costumes", it seems now appropriate to call them such.

So, into the suitcase they went: corsets, vinyl skirts, mesh outfits, PVC junk, vinyl dresses, latex dresses, my big boots with the fat buckles, veils, tiaras, long fingerless gloves with feathers. All packed away until they are needed. Will they ever be needed? Not by me, I'm sure. So unless our next child is a girl or Dante decides to become a fabulous Drag Queen, I think that the suitcase will be their home for now. I can open it up one day and laugh and remember how much fun I had wearing those boots that hurt the moment I put them on. Or how I sneezed once while wearing that corset and nearly broke a rib. Or how it was next to impossible to bartend with those gloves on but by golly I would wear them if it killed me!

The funny thing is that I thought I would be much sadder than I actually was packing those things away. I mean, don't get me wrong, I did leave some things in my closet which *ahem* Randy and I have found fun to "use", but as far as wearing any of this stuff in public or at clubs anymore I just don't. If and when we go to a club, I dress for comfort and dancing, as we are usually only there for a few hours (or as long as my mom can watch Dante) and I mostly spend my time dancing my ass off. I can't do it anymore in a corset and stilettos. My center of gravity has shifted since giving birth (or maybe my common sense?) and I would much rather be comfortable than Miss Uber Goth 2007.

I think today marked a final goodbye to that which I once was: Mistress Kaos, Kaos, that bitch bartender, that bitch in general, one of the managers of True, and whatever anyone once knew me as. I'm sure some of my ex-friends in NYC have more names for me as I do for them, but what I once was is also what they once were and neither matter anymore. It felt good to put Miz Kaos away into the suitcase. It feels nice to be Alessia. I feels really nice to be Randy's wife. And it feels incredible to be Dante's Mom.

So, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Alessia.

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