I am extremely cranky. Not just, "get out of my face" cranky, but rather "get out of my face or I will pull every one of your teeth out with a rubber chicken" cranky. I have no idea where it is coming from, but it is horrible. I've been wearing a scowl for the past week or so and cannot seem to get rid of it. Randy could walk into a room and say "Hi Honey I love you", and I would want to throttle him with my bare hands while disemboweling him with a plastic spork. My mom, who normally gets on my nerves as most moms should, but in a regular mom kind of way, now has me on the verge of punching myself in the face everytime she calls to see if I am in labor yet. "No MOM! I promise I will call you when I go into labor!" doesn't seem to work on her, and add to the fact that my folks live less than a mile away, I could be settling into a nice nap when POOF! here comes my mom up the driveway with some sort of sweet chocolate thing or some big salty pickle/sandwich/disgusting concoction that I shouldn't be eating because I'm already as big as a house and the midwife yells at me for eating too much salt and retaining water and being dehydrated but it's so good and I could eat 5 million of them and fuck it I don't care I am pregnant and I love my mom for bringing them to me but IT"S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
*whew**take a breath**hooooooooooooooooooooooooohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*
So I am cranky. In a nutshell. My pregnancy books tell me that during this time it is normal to be crabby. Don't ask me why. Maybe my body is gearing up its adrenaline for when I have to push out a HUMAN BEING from a small opening. Maybe it's preparing my husband for the bitch-on -wheels I will be in Labor and Delivery. Who knows? I'm just cranky. Not even my favorite cream cheese and tomato sandwich soothed me this morning. I felt like throwing it at the mailman when he came by, all smug and mailman-ish thinking he was so cool with his mail and my mail, controlling people's lives who does he think he is carrying my bills around like he has the power to control MY LIFE?!?!?!?!
I think I may need to load up one of my extremely violent-kill-everyone-in-sight-even-nuns-and-puppies video games, put my feet up and release some of this ...................whatever it is. Or I could just have "angry sex" when Randy gets home, but considering it takes me at least 20 minutes to roll from one position to the next it would be more like "lethargic, look at Orca the whale" sex and that would certainly not fit the bill.
Or maybe I could just have this baby NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!