The Empathy Belly: Suck it Up!

This weekend I worked the It's A Baby and Family Expo and one of the booths was the Miami Birthing Center (I think that was their name). What made this booth really special (other than ours, of course) was the fact that they had an "Empathy Belly" with them and were letting all the dads, dads-to-be, and new dads put it on.

If you don't know what an Empathy Belly is, it is basically a huge frontal piece that fits on the torso and belly and consists of breasts and a pregnant stomach all weighted accurately as though the person was between 8 and 9 months pregnant. In other words, it is supposed to made men (and non pregnant women, but mostly men) understand what it feels like to walk around with huge boobs and a person living inside you.

Let me just say that most of the men I saw participating in this activity were BIG WUSSES. Before the suit was even securely placed on them, half of them were complaining that it was "too heavy" or that it "hurt my back" or that "they felt stupid". Really? Really buddy? Try walking around like that FOR REAL! Guys get the extremely easy end of the whole "making babies" deal. Their "job" in making said baby lasts all of 5 minutes (7 if you're lucky) and then for the next 40 weeks they go off and tell everyone "WE'RE pregnant"!.

Um, excuse me. WE? WE are pregnant? No. Wrong. Sorry. I. Me. The Woman. The fat chick over here is pregnant. You are just walking around as though you are King of Fertilization and you scored some sort of miraculous goal or something.

Sorry guys but you're not the ones waking up every hour on the hour because you have to pee. You're not expanding to the size of Texas (unless you are my husband and gaining "Empathy Weight), and you're CERTAINLY NOT, at the end of this whole process, going to push a 7-9 pound human being out of a SMALL OPENING or get cut in half, have your insides moved around and pulled out and then get STAPLED back together like you're a 10th grade English Book Report (that would be my scenario).

So I would like to say to all the men who tried on the "Empathy Belly" at the Baby Expo this past weekend, "Shut Up and get over it". You were in the suit for all of 5 minutes. Seriously. Shut Up. Anyone who is still under the misguided, archaic notion that women are somehow "the weaker sex" needs to go visit a Baby Expo and watch all the men put on "Empathy Suits".

Ok, granted, when it comes to spiders, I am like a baby and need a big strong man to come rescue me before it jumps on my face and eats my eyes, but when it comes to being pregnant and having children, please.....Let the big girls handle it, mkay?

Sasuke, Suki Desu

In Japanese, that means: Ninja Warrior, I love you. Because, in essence, I do indeed love Ninja Warrior very much. If you have no idea what I am talking about, tune to your nearest G4 channel around 9pm every weeknight and see what I mean. Or, if you have a crappy cable company and don't have G4, try THIS instead and see what the hub-bub is all about.

Anyhow, you may assume that I love Ninja Warrior because of the obstacles and strange characters that attempt to conquer Mount Fidoriyama. But no, the reason I love NW so much is for a much, much, MUCH more shallow reason.

I present to you Shunsuke Nagasaki:



Shunsuke is 21 years old and fucking gorgeous! Sorry, but I have a "thing" for Japanese men. I don't care what the "myth" is about what they supposedly carry in their pant, I love them. I am reminded of every hot video game, manga, anime guy I ever had a crush on: Dante from Devil May Cry, Auron from Final Fantasy, all those Dragoons in The Legend of Dragoon, Wakka from FF 10, the list is endless. Japanese guys are H.O.T.!

But if you think Shunsuke is the only man-meat worth looking at, please to introduce you to Kazuhiko Akiyama:



Kazuhiko is 35 years old and makes his living as a crab fisherman. I'm not even going to insert a dirty reference to how he can plunder my depths for crabs. Nope, I'm not.

And, of course, I cannot fail to mention Mr. Ninja Warrior himself, the first man to ever complete all four stages of NW, and one fine ass mo'fo, Makoto Nagano:



Makoto is 36 years old, is captain of a fishing boat, and spends 300 days at sea. I will not make any "deep sea" innuendos here either.

Along with these Ninja Warrior "All Stars" as they are known, there are also many other gorgeous Japanese men that attempt to conquer the obstacles. Sho Kosugi's sons Shane and Kane who are pretty cute, countless atheletes and models who, although may not finish the course, make up for it in their damn fine-ness, and strange characters like "the human butterfly" and "the naked ballet dancer". Ninja Warrior also breeds inspirational characters like "the world's toughest transexual" Hibari who, although has never completed Stage 1, competes in the name of all transexuals across the world. Trust me, this chick is tough, and really cool looking to boot.

So, thus is why Suki Desu ( I love you), Sasuke (Ninja Warrior). You give me Hot Japanese Guy Eye Candy double happiness super fun time pleasing day.