Saturday, April 24, 2010

Solitude in Aisle 3

I went grocery shopping today.

Hang on, let me clarify.

I went grocery shopping ALONE today.

I don't think anyone but a stay-at-home mom can relate to the beauty of that concept. We are with our children 24/7, from morning to night, day in and day out, 365 days a year, holidays, weekends, and leap years. They're with us when we shower. They're with us when we shave. They're with us when we go to the bathroom.

Yes, even when we go to the bathroom. There's no use in closing the door because you will have a very curious 3 1/2 year old banging on the door saying, "Mommy are you going poopy in there?" or "Mommy, what is that smell?", or "Mommy can I see your poopy? Does it look like a Transformer?". I'm not kidding here. Guys, you have such a luxury of sitting in the bathroom, with a magazine or your thoughts, with no pressure in "finishing up". How I long for the day I can go to the bathroom and "meditate".

So imagine my utter joy and excitement when I awoke this morning knowing I was going to order, I mean, ask my darling husband to take Dante to basketball at the YMCA so I could get some grocery shopping done. My husband, gotta love him, has no concept of how much "alone" time I lack and thinks that my once-a-month Book Club is sufficient, and usually when I tell him that I am going grocery shopping, he looks at me with his puppy-dog green eyes and says, "Family Outing? Can we all go?" and we usually end up trekking en masse to Publix to grocery shop.

*big sigh*

It's tough to grocery shop with children. It's impossible to grocery shop with children AND husband. Seriously, you may think you are organized with coupons, a list, a map of the store so you know what goes where and which aisle has what, and every sale flyer available from the Sunday paper. But no, you're only fooling yourself. When you are with your husband and children, you will stray from the list, find yourself in aisles you have never visited getting an earful from BOTH sides of "please can we get this? pllleeeaaaasssseeee?" or "hey, we need this gigantic bag of cheese puffs/toy cars/pepperoni slices/chocolate pretzels/$8.49 a pound prosciutto/maraschino cherries/olives".

So, moms, bask in my glory as I shipped off "the kids" to the YMCA this morning and I sat down, alone, on my couch, eating last night's Chinese food, and took my sweet ass time to get ready to be Alone in the Grocery Store. I got dressed, got into my car, put on MY music, and drove to Publix all the while screaming/singing Duran Duran's "New Moon on Monday".

And then I got there. I could almost hear the heavenly operatic songs of the highest cherubim singing "Hallelujah" as the sliding doors opened as I was blasted with that oh-so-familiar smell of Deli/Fish/Baked Bread and cleaning products mixed in with stale flowers and bleach. I had my list! I had my coupons! I began my mission.

I went grocery shopping today.



cookiemonstersnipe said...

Okay call me horrible but I downright REFUSE to go shopping with DH. I can't take it!!!

He thinks that shopping requires the same military precision that it takes to invade and conquer a developed country! When all I want to is wander around the mall.

I get precision and timing while grocery shopping but for gods sake we don't have to find the items in alphabetical order! Nor do we have to throw fits over why the baby won't stay in the stroller, how many times we have to go to the toilet, or "do you really NEED to go there?" NO but I want to! Now fuck off!

Every single shopping trip ends in tears and it's not my 4 kids crying!

Jack Allen said...

It is a dream to go to the store alone! I agree, only a SAHM will TRULY understand what it is like to have some ALONE time!