Turning Over a New Leaf

In light of recent events and the revelation that I am "not nice", "mean" and "not respectful". I have decided to turn over a new leaf and change my ways. From now on, this blog will be all about kittens and rainbows...........


..........................and unicorns......

....and cute lolcatz.

The Second Coming

I assume that, unless you are living under a rock or that, in fact, this blog is just an excuse for me to talk to myself, that you know that I am pregnant. I think I can also assume, unless the above criteria apply, that you already know that I have another child of whom I brag about constantly on this blog and in real life, much to the annoyance of my friends around me. But hey, they do it too, so I am entitled.

Anyway, I would like to ask a question. It is a very important question and one whose answer I seek on a daily basis. It may even be a more important question than "What is the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything?" (the answer is 42) and may even go down in history as the question of the ages. Ok so here goes,

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?!?!?

Now now, before you go all "she hates the baby", and "she doesn't see how lucky she is to be pregnant", let me clarify that I know why I am doing this again and am very happy to be pregnant with a (hopefully) healthy child, but, I do wonder sometimes,

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?!?!?

Seriously, we've been done with diapers for over 6 months and now we are going to start all over again. The midnight feedings, the 2 am feedings, the 5 am feedings, the feeding feedings, the crying, the rocking, the spit up, the barfies, the pukies, the poopies, the sleep on your back, the sleep on your stomach, the "is he breathing", the baby monitor, the onesies, the burp cloths, the no sleep, and all this on top of having a demanding, independent, cranky, lovey, mixed up tortuous 3 year old to take care of as well.

The first time around, I remember that I was constantly aware of being pregnant. I think I had already purchased half the baby department at Target and set up the nursery before I was 4 months pregnant. We were giddy with excitement! Every day I was closer and closer to having a new baby and every day I was more and more excited about having said baby. I was fresh, and cute, and yes I had pimply skin, but I was glowing and my hair was thick and I was wonderful!

This time around? It's a different story. I am constantly forgetting I am pregnant and just still think I am fat. When I get tired, I can't just sit on the couch and watch Judge Judy, no, I have to attend to Screamy McScreamerton who has just "accidentally used scissors" to cut his pillowcase. When I feel like going to sleep, I can't, because I've got dinner to make, a bath to run, clothes to fold, and Angry McFusserton demanding that I read "I'm A Big Brother" to him for the 67th time. When I get the sharp pains of the ligaments stretching in my belly, I can't sit down for a second because out of the corner of my eye, I see the dog is now half green and half yellow and Leonardo DaPoopy coming around the corner with the fingerpaint bottles that were on the high windowsill (how he got them, I have no clue) in his hands.

I've got the Andromeda Galaxy exploding on my face, I am pulling clumps of hair out in the shower, and I thought I would love every minute of it, but to be honest, I keep saying to myself,

WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?!?!?

No really, before I get another lovely "Anonymous" poster commenting that I am a horrible person (funny how it is always under the guise of anonymity that people grow a set), I am happy to be pregnant, I just don't remember it being this tough. Granted, I was younger (4 years is a lot in dog years) and I also did not have the huge responsibility of being a mommy already. Being Dante's mom is my top priority and now that I have another top priority, it makes it that much more difficult to juggle between the two. And it doesn't help that I have to tend to my farm in Farmville, or keep up with who I am offending on Moms Like Me, and organize my book club, and schedule and attend meet-ups and playdates with my mommy group. This is hard!! And it is just going to be that much harder when The Bean actually enters the world and hangs out with us.

The Bible speaks of the Second Coming as "....of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken." Matthew 24: 29 (KJV). I'll settle for this second coming with an epidural, a knock-out pill, and a couple hours of sleep.

Let's Open That Mailbag Again Updated!

As I have been informed that I cannot quote the private messages, Verbatim, then I will give you an amended and edited run-down of the exchange. The messages I received have been paraphrased and are NOT the exact words of the poster, but a "general idea" of what was written. My messages will remain intact as they are MY words and this I give permission to reprint them here.

So I belong to a national mom's site where one can post parenting questions and issues and get answers. The site I work for is the local Miami/Ft. Lauderdale site but there is also a National Thread in which more politically charged discussions take place. Recently, a thread about redefining marriage to allow same sex couples to marry was posted and, while most people were in favor of it, a few holy rollers began to use the pulpit and their religion to deny basic human rights to same sex couples. I, of course, was vocal about my opinions about the "god loving" being hypocritical and denying people to marry, and thus I was blessed with one of these said holy rollers invading my inbox with her tripe.

XXXXXXXX wrote:

Aging Goth Mom,

You don't understand me! I love God and Jesus and the Bible but I use aforementioned things to justify why I think being gay is wrong and why gay people shouldn't be treated like human beings with rights! You think you're so smart with your big words and scary Atheist talk! Why don't you just understand that the only answer to everything is "god,god,god, god". I am trying to be nice to you by condemning gay people and you're just being so mean to me and baby Jesus!


My reply:

Stating my opinion is not "mockery". All gods, including yours, are imaginary. And yes, you're absolutely right, your faith is not important to me at all. I don't base my opinions of people on what religion they are. My best friend is Christian and my other best friend belongs to a really neat Metaphysical church. So please don't think I "misunderstand" or "mock" you based on your religious preference. I don't agree with your stance on gay marriage and believe it to be discriminatory and hateful and that is why I don't care for your opinions. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't sit there and try to say that you're trying to be "respectful" and "understanding" about the issue at hand. You're not. Your religion has no basis on what another couple or another group of people want to do with their lives. Just like my choices have no effect on you (I got Chinese food for dinner), other people's choices should not have any on you as well. If the foundation of your faith is so shaky that you think it can be harmed by what complete strangers do, then I suggest you look inward and try to remedy YOUR relationship with god instead of trying to dictate what other people should do with their lives.

Your relationship with god, your faith in him, and your religion have nothing to do with the choices OTHER people make. If you do indeed believe that there is a god, then it is his job to pass judgement on those he feels are deserving of it. Not yours. Thus, you have no right to dictate what anyone, apart from those who live under your roof and you care for, do in their lives.

I'm sure you'll read this and say that once again I am "mocking" you and I am sure that you will probably read what I write and still not understand how your posts are bigoted and hateful towards a specific group of people. But I hope that maybe, in a moment of clarity, you may actually understand.

Enjoy your evening.


XXXXXXX reply:

You're still being mean to me and Baby Jesus! Don't you know that if you don't completely agree with me then that means you're being disrespectful?!?! I guess it is because you are a mean Atheist with no morals that can make you be so mean!

I have a gay sister and she thinks it's just great that she isn't allowed to get married and that my family and church condemn her lifestyle. She's just fine with it so I don't see why you have to be so mad about it!

Gay marriage and gay people are the reason for AIDS, divorce, STD's, hurricanes, earthquakes, typhoons, Obama's election, and the economy!

You're always so mean in your posts but I still wanted to message you to tell you how much I love god. I guess I will never say anything again because my feelings are hurt.


My reply:

Again, it's not disrespectful to state my opinion. Or would you rather I be silent and quiet and a little mouse. Also, if we were to follow your "logic", you would be being disrespectful by not acknowledging the gods of the Hindus (Vishnu, Ganesh, Kali, etc.), the Norse gods (Odin, Loki, Thor, etc.), the Greek gods (Zeus, Hera, Mercury, Hades, etc.), the Roman gods (Jupiter, Venus, Minerva, etc.), the THOUSANDS of Native American gods and spirits, the THOUSANDS of African gods and spirits, ALL of which are still worshipped today around the world and ALL of which are just as important as YOUR god.

In essence, by claiming that YOUR god is THE ONLY ONE, you are being "disrespectful" to all these other beliefs and cultures yourself, so please don't purport to preach to me about hurting your feelings. YOURS is NOT the only "truth" out there and it is pretty closed-minded and egocentric to actually believe it is.

I wonder if you would consider me so "hateful" and "intolerant" if I were Jewish or Muslim, or any of the other above religions. Bottom line, you have a problem with me because I am an Atheist and don't believe in fairy tales. Which is fine. But please don't pretend that you are just trying "to explain" your stance on gay marriage. I don't care about your explanation and I don't care that you have a gay sister.

If you are constantly being "hurt and offended" by my posts, I suggest you either grow a thicker skin (maybe pray on it), or just ignore my posts and move on. Just like you, I am strong in my beliefs and proud of who I am, and will NOT be silenced by anyone.

I would ask that you please stop messaging me, as I really have no interest in continuing this discourse with you. As I stated in my previous note, my opinions of your posts are not based on what god you choose to serve, but rather your exclusionary opinions of gays and lesbians.

Regards.
*************************************************************************************

I thought that would be the end of that, but now she has posted this "subtle" missive on her local site, saying I am cyber bullying her:

XXXXX wrote:

Waaaaah! Aging Goth Mom Cyber bullied me! Let me write this post so I can draw attention to myself and gain sympathy from people who don't know that I've been harassing her in private messages.

I believe this is the post she is referring to:

Also, I've been receiving PM's from a certain user on this thread who claims that my opinion of those using religion as a case against gay marriage is "hurting their feelings" and "insulting" their "god". So, in order to avoid these annoying messages in my inbox, I would like to CHANGE my opinion publicly and say:

Gays and Lesbian marriage: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

God/Jesus/Bible: gooooooooooooood.


Yes, I can see now, I am a veritable bullying force to be reckoned with. Seriously. This lady needs to call a whaaaaaaambulance. But only if the EMTS are straight.

UPDATE: Said "victim" has deleted her accusatory post on her local site, but in the interest of entertainment purposes only, my blog will remain intact.

Move over David Beckham.....

.....there's a new super star (and very handsome) soccer player in town!

That's right, it's official. I am a "Soccer Mom". Dante started soccer yesterday at our local YMCA and all of my fears of having the child that didn't listen or didn't pay attention were thrown out the window when I saw my little (big) boy saying "Yes Coach!" and "I got it Coach!" and following directions. You could have easily picked me out as the "first time" mom out there that day, as I had a huge grin on my face and was constantly snapping pictures of everything Dante did:

From jumping jacks....

......to sprints

....to dribbling and trapping the ball.

I was so proud of him and he had such a good time! So yes, it is official. I am now the proverbial "soccer mom". Time to get some elastic waist jeans and start purchasing from the Kathy Lee or Jaclyn Smith collection at K-Mart.

High Five!

The Bean
13 weeks

A Bug's Life

Dante and his new friend, Jader A. Beetle

Dante and Jader became instant friends when they met as Jader was walking across a park bench. After a few minutes of walking all over D's hands and arms, and being annoyed by the bigger boy who insisted Jader was a girl, Jader expressed his wishes to be put back in the bushes so he could return to his mommy that missed him very much. Needless to say, Dante and Jader exchanged contact information and will meet up again next time we go to the park. D told Jader he looked forward to seeing him but to please not bring any SPIDER friends with him next time or else mommy would cry and pee her pants from fright. Good times, good times.

The Bean revisited

The Bean: 11 weeks 3 days. As Dr. Selman was taking its picture, Bean decided to start posing so this is his "full frontal" shot. Notice head, 2 arms, and 2 legs. Great heartbeat and everything looks ok.

Genesis and Revelation

Dante, my highly inquisitive little 3 1/2 year old, and I were sitting down to our nightly ritual of watching Alex "Trevek" and Jeopardy the other night when he nonchalantly turned to me and said,

"Mommy, where do we go when we die?"

Dun, dun dun!!!!!!!! (insert scary music here). Uh-oh. I knew these questions were eventually going to turn up one day, but I certainly wasn't expecting them now....at 3 years old...just about to watch Jeopardy....when our last conversation involved describing how his recent poop looked like Soundwave from the Transformers. But, blame me and his dad for having a smart kid, so I should have seen this coming.

I immediately racked my brain with the normal frustrations and questions: How do I answer this honestly, but still not scare the hell out of my kid and scar him for life? I can't just up and say, "Dante, when you die, you get put in the ground and then worms and maggots eat through your eyeballs until you're a skeleton.", or better yet, "Dante, when you die, you get shoved in a box and put on a conveyor belt and baked at 700 degrees until you fit into a jar on someone's mantlepiece". I thought it best not to be that blunt or honest about it. That's all I need, an insomniac toddler with fears of death. Let him wait to be 35 years old to get like that. Trust me, it's no picnic.

Anyhow, I repeated his question to buy some time, and he said to me in an exasperated voice, "Come on Mom, just tell me already!" and I knew I had no choice to answer. My attempts to distract him with "Look D! The Jeopardy category is The Smithsonian!" weren't working so I swallowed hard and answered like this:

"Dante when we die we don't go anywhere. We just die. Our life is over. Our bodies are put in the ground and we become dirt to feed the grass, help flowers grow, or feed the trees. Sometimes, the dirt you turn into becomes a flower or gets blown away and becomes part of the air."

(notice I skipped the whole cremation option even though we all are opting for that when we perish from this mortal coil. But the whole "baked in an oven" idea, I'm not sure he is ready for.)

After hearing all of this, D looked at me for a moment and I became worried that I had been too honest, but really, I wasn't going to tell him that we go to "magic fairy land", sprout wings, and chill out with all of our dead relatives. So I asked him, "Is that ok with you?" and he said, "Yea, I want to be a big Orange tree when I am dead."

Whew! Crisis averted, at least on my end. I have to be honest but I am dreading these upcoming questions, not so much for him, but for myself because I know I have to answer them unbiasedly and honestly. I can't up and say, "Dante, there is no god and believing in one is just a crutch to not take personal responsibility in your own life". That certainly would not be kosher. Unfortunately there aren't many resources out there for having the "religion talk" with your child that doesn't involve handing your kid a bible and indoctrinating him on the spot. So, I'm kind of going to have to wing it and remember what my mom and dad said to my brother and me. They were "fair and balanced" (ewwww I just quoted FAUX News!) and we still turned out ok.

I consider this a good jumping off point. This wasn't so hard. I'm patting myself on the back, I admit it. I only hope he doesn't ask me how the stock market works, because then I'm toast.

Guns Don’t Kill People, God Kills People

I came across this news story the other day while searching CNN.com to find out if Rush Limbaugh was dead yet.

4-Year-Old Hit By Bullet At Church Dies - Atlanta News Story - WGCL Atlanta

In, essence.  A little boy and his mother were a some sort of midnight mass celebration at their church and out of nowhere a bullet pierced her son’s chest, he screamed, lost consciousness and died.  Wow. Seriously?  I thought “god” was supposed to be a “loving and forgiving god”.  At least, that’s what the bible thumpers tell me when I say I don’t believe in it.  Is this the same “god” that would let a little baby be born with AIDS?  Or addicted to crack?  Or with its heart outside of its chest?  That “god”? Or is this the same “god” that commanded Abraham to kill his son Isaac as proof of how devoted he was to him?  The same “god” that allowed Lot to offer up his daughters as sexual slaves and then lets him get drunk and impregnate them?  Or is this the same “god” that won’t heal amputees?  Or the same one that lets good people fester and die from diseases like Cancer, Lymphoma, Parkinson’s Disease, and such?

I’m just wondering.  Really I am.  I am wondering how anyone could actually believe that if there is some sort of omnipotent cloud fairy up in the sky, pulling the strings, how could he possibly think it is ok to let a 4 year old get shot in the fucking chest and die in his mother’s arms?  And I don’t want to hear any of the “oh it was his time” crap  or “god works in mysterious ways” or “an angel needed to be called home”.  Fuck that bullshit.  A child is DEAD because of human idiocy.  If indeed there is a puppet master, how about ending the suffering of the mother and bringing the child back to life?  How about eradicating famine, and poverty, and genocide?  No, no.  Don’t tell me.  It’s that great loophole to explain it all: Free Will.  “God” gave us all free will and he doesn’t interfere because that would be baaaaad.

Sorry, but doesn’t he do a shitload of interfering in the bible?  Especially when he doesn’t get its way and behaves likes a spoiled brat?  “I’m going to kill all these people because they don’t worship me properly”, or “I don’t like how things are being run in Sodom and Gomorrah.  To much focusing on happiness and enjoyment and not enough kissing my ass.”

The most disgusting part of all of this are those who think this little boy is floating about somewhere in the sky with wings and a harp.  Are you kidding me?  Does the loss of a child not make this woman sit back and say, “Hang on a sec.  My son was an innocent little boy he was killed in a horrible freak accident.  There is no way that this “god” that I’ve been kowtowing to my whole life is real”.  For me, that’s the biggest mindfuck of all.  Your kid is dead.  Shot in a church nonetheless, and yet, you’re still going to sing “his” praises next Sunday, and have some priest do a blessing over his coffin at his funeral.  Really?  REALLY?

I know what you’re saying.  “Alessia, you’re just angry with “god” and that’s why you don’t believe in him. You blame “god” for all the bad things in the world.”  Um, not quite.  Human beings are to blame for bad things in the world.  Human beings and that wonderful thing I like to call “chance”.  It’s all a crap shoot.  Look at the people who for some reason or another did not get to work on time on 9/11 and thus were spared from being turned into dust.  Sure, the believers will sit there and say things like “God was looking out for them” or “God spared them”.  But here’s the question, what about the other 3000 people who died? What about them?  Did “god” suddenly have to step out and check the mail?  Were they just not worthy enough in his eyes to have a full life? Where was “god” when the jumpers took to the skies to escape the burning holocaust inside?  Could he at least given them a net?  Maybe let them sprout wings so they didn’t turn to soup as they hit the ground? 

As a matter of fact?  Which “god” was working on 9/11?  If you were to ask Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden, “god” did a great job that day.  He fulfilled all of their wishes.  He answered their prayers and helped them carry out their plan.  Is god a flip-flopper?  Does he say, “Today, I’m going to help terrorists blow up buildings, but tomorrow I’m going to let a good Christian sniper off an abortion doctor”.  Help me out here, because I don’t get it.

I know, I know, it’s another “Angry Atheist” post from Alessia, but honestly, can anyone not tell me that they don’t ask themselves these questions from time to time?  Or is faith really that blind that it just accepts everything as “god’s will” and moves on?  I know that it is important to be tolerant of all different beliefs and I understand that most, if not all, of the people I surround myself with are religious and that my rantings may offend them, but I can’t help but to express my frustration and confusion as to the reasoning and the “logic” that goes with this whole “god” business.  Carl Sagan said, “Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.”  The death of this little boy is a testament as to how fragile our lives are.  The chances of you becoming a you and a me becoming me are so miniscule, that it is a privilege to even be here as part of the Universe. 

I’ve run out of steam.  I don’t know how to end this.  Possibly because I’ve got Sid the Science Kid in the background and a 3 year old asking me if he can have hot dogs for breakfast.  So I don’t know how to finish up this New Year’s tirade.  If I’ve made you think, good.  If I’ve pissed you off, sorry, but you know I don’t mince words.  If you don’t care either way, that’s fine too.  Now go have a nice day in the minute we are allotted here in the Universe.