If you are an avid reader of my blog (which I know you are), then you will kindly remember my previous rantings about the ironic phrase “I’m Not Racist”. For those of you new to the wonder that is Musings From the Crypt, here are the aforementioned posts to “catch you up” on the history of this endearing phrase. I suggest you read them, not only because it will put you up to speed on my history of the term, but also because I am completely awesome and whatever I write is like manna from heaven and you will be a happier, more intelligent, more well-rounded person after reading it. It’s been proven. I’m not just saying it.
Enjoyed them? Was I hysterically funny yet biting with my sarcastic wit and wisdom? Would you pay to read more things written by me and if so, how much? Would you like to know who to make the check out to?
Anyhow, the phrase “I’m not Racist but….” has been a big topic lately since coming across this story on the internetz:
In a nutshell, Asshat Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace for Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward in Louisiana, refused to issue a marriage license to a woman named Beth Humphrey and her boyfriend, Terence McKay. Were they brother and sister? Was she underage and he a dirty old man? Was one of them a farm animal? No, no, and nope. The sole reason Justice Bardwell denied the marriage license of this couple was because of this:
I know what you’re saying, “Ah yes, he thought she was too tall for him and wanted to prevent future ‘Your wife is taller than you’ jokes for Terence”. But no, Asshat McGee denied the couple’s marriage license based on the fact that Beth is white and Terence is not. Yes, that’s right. No, you are not trapped in a space-time continuum, this is not the year 1834, and you are not in the White Supremacist Twilight Zone. This really happened, here, now, 2009, land of the free, home of the brave, and all that supposed patriotic crap that we are supposed to stomach on a daily basis. This “justice of the peace” denied this couple’s union because they are *dun dun dun* not the same color!
And here, of course, is the kicker of the whole thing (as though it needed one). Bardwell said:
“I'm not a racist. I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children."
The children. The children. Why is it that when some close-minded fool says or does something that makes David Duke look like Santa Claus, it’s always “for the children”? Apparently Judge Fucktard here believes that “the children” will suffer because of their mixed heritage and will be made fun of. Aww, thanks Nathan Bedford Forrest (look it up, I’m not explaining it), thanks for “thinking of the children”, but here’s a news flash. The LAST thing kids are going to get picked on for is their heritage. Seriously. Maybe in your twisted little brain it is a big deal, but kids today are way more concerned with other things to pick on you for than your mom being white and your dad being black. Haircuts, music you listen to, how big your butt is, how small your boobs are, drama club, what instrument you play, band, orchestra, chorus, not wearing designer clothes, what kind of car you have or don’t have, THESE are all things kids get picked on for. Race? You think race is an issue? Judge Bardwell, get up with the times! I mean, if you don’t have a iPhone, that’s cause for a serious butt kicking in the parking lot after third period. Race? Pffffffft!
Seriously, though, I have to wonder what other type of legislation this man has presided over in his 34 years on the bench. Has his “non-existent” racism played a part in convicting innocent individuals because they were darker than his preferred skin tone? How many sentences did he administer solely based on the “Black without a Permit” laws he imagined in his head?
So now Keith Bradwell’s head is being called for on a platter by various groups. The couple, of course, are at the top of the list (who, by the way, were married by another Justice in the same parrish), the NAACP has stepped in, the Governor of Louisiana, and of course, every intelligent human being on the planet. Personally, I would like “justice” Bradwell to spend some time over in Europe, walking the lush green fields of Auschwitz and Dachau, or even stay closer to home and visit a small balcony outside of room 308 at the Lorraine Hotel overlooking Memphis, Tennessee (look it up, I’m not explaining it). Or maybe he should visit the fence Matthew Shepard was impaled on. Or maybe, just maybe, he can admit he is a racist asshole, step down as honorably as he can from this exalted position he is so undeserving of, and go fester somewhere in a ramshackle cabin until he withers away and dies….just like his archaic ideology.