It's Elmo's World. We're All Just Livin' In It.

I have come to the realization that if you are under 6 years old, the only things that matter in the world to you are Elmo, Elmo, food, Elmo, Elmo, juice, Elmo, Elmo, milk, Elmo, Elmo, getting your diaper changed and Elmo. In that order. If you are a parent of an under sixer, or a toddler like I am, you will quickly come to know everything and anything that involves Elmo MUST involve your child.

We took Dante to the local Jump & Gym tonight for a SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY ELMO and Cookie Monster (<---but who cares about Cookie Monster). Let me tell you, the place was mobbed. Mobbed with about 50 kids and sets of parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/neighbors yadda yadda. You would think it was the Pope (ew!) or the President (bigger ew!) coming to visit. People were manic! Mothers and fathers hustling their kids around as though "Elmo" was going to care that their shirt was rumpled. Grandmothers putting lipstick on while fixing their hair in the small mirror of their Max Factor compacts. Grandfathers and fathers sitting wide eyed in the corners of the room, wondering what the hell the women folk do during the week while they are at work: This?!?!?! Finally, the moment arrived and as the traditional "Elmo" theme song came on, in walked "Elmo"; some $8 an hour party employee sweating their ass off in a tattered looking costume followed by an emaciated "cookie monster" whose zipper must have broken in the back because I could see jeans back there. Despite all of this, you would have though Jesus had just walked into the room. A sort of Close Encounters of the Third Kind polyphonic intonation happened as all the children (and parents) droned in with one melodious "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" as "Elmo" and "Cookie Monster" entered the room.

Then all hell broke loose.

It turned into a madhouse with parents and children scrambling to get to Elmo and CM for photo ops. Seriously, children and parents were being crushed and elbowed and shoved and pummeled left and right just to get close to the E man. Randy and I held Dante back and just watched the chaos ensue. Honestly, we could not believe our eyes at the behaviour of some of these people. You'd think they were handing out gold bars or something. It was almost horrible to watch. So we wait and wait and wait for the tidal wave of "Me! Me! Me!" to die down and finally get a picture of Dante with Elmo.

The look on his face when he was face to face with Elmo was worth it.