Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Mommy "No'es" Best

I've become a broken record. No longer can I carry on conversations with eloquence. No longer can I speak in full sentences. Long gone are the days where I can complete a thought. These days my vocabulary consists of one word: NO. Of course, with a rambunctious hellion 20 month old toddler, it is to be expected that he might misbehave once or twice, but as we are not a normal family, I am now a broken record.

"No Dante, do not put the dog's toy in your mouth"

"No Dante, draw on the paper, not the floor"

"No Dante, do not take off your clothes"

"No Dante, do not fingerpaint on the dogs"

"No Dante, the coffee table is not a jumping off platform"

"No Dante, do not throw the DVD remote in the toilet"

And so on and so forth. I am the Negative Nancy of our household. I read a statistic the other day that said toddlers hear the word "no" at least 200 times a day. I think my son hears "no" at least 700 times a day. No, no, no, no, no. I don't even think I am capable of saying "yes" anymore (unless chocolate is involved and then I'll "yes" anyone to death).

Now I've got all this guilt that I am horrible mother for constantly being at odds with D. We used to have great cuddle times and play times, but I now find myself like Mrs. Harridan, chasing him down and saying "No don't do that" and "No cut that out" and "No put that down". Seriously, I think he looks for things to do that would arouse a "No" from me. I mean, you'll never hear me say, "Yes Dante, sit there quietly and read your book while mommy folds laundry." Instead, you get "No Dante, don't rip out the pages of the book and please get off of your dad's folded underpants before you pee all over them". (Dante likes to be Mr. Nude lately while home and refuses even to wear a diaper. I'm tempted to put newspaper down and get wee wee pads at the pet store).

Honestly, I'm "no-eing" myself into a stupor and I'm sure it will only get worse from here:

"No Dante, you can't borrow the car"

"No Dante, you can't stay out until 2 in the morning"

"No Dante, that girl is a tramp"

"No Dante, that guy is a tramp" (We're all inclusive here, no favoritism)

"No Dante, doing a wheelie on your bike while blindfolded is not a good idea"

Will I ever be able to be a "yes" woman again?


Katie said...

I feel your pain. Actually, I know your pain. We should take Dante and Sophia and put them in a padded room. Then you and I can eat chocolate and complain about something other than toddlers for a change

April said...

I remember those days. As they get older, you get to say "no" in more creative ways.

Sarah said...

Just wait until the tables turn and he starts telling you NO. That's when it gets more humorous.

Sherrie said...

Ah, the dreaded no's. My SS is trying the blindfolded bile riding/ramp jumping/etc. daredevil stuff now.

Chocolate? In cheesecake form perhaps?