Saturday, March 15, 2008

Ah, the Irony

I've been feeling extremely lonely and isolated for a while. A few days ago, on a site for moms I belong to, a thread in one of my message boards suggested everyone show a picture of their BFFIRL. In "cool young person netspeak" that means "Best Friend Forever In Real Life". All the women in this particular group posted these wonderful pictures of themselves with their BFFIRLs. Some had been friends for a few years, others since high school, and even more others had been friends for over twenty years. It was wonderful to see.

My contribution to this particular thread was "I don't have one". Which is true. I don't have a BFFIRL. I don't even think I have an FIRL. Sure, there are the moms I see a few times a week at playgroups but they're all 25 and cute and perky, and I'm, well, I'm not.

I did have a couple of BFFIRLs but one chose her boyfriend who didn't like me and the other sided with my ex-husband when we split (who knows what lies he told them as to why we split), but since then I cannot trust women.

Yet, I am lonely for the friendship of one. I fear them, but I yearn for my BFFIRL. But that's not the irony that prompted me to write this post. The irony was that I was shuffling through my music player and the song that came up first was this:


Amy said...

you are SO loved, A. I'm sorry you've had crappy friends in the past, but I know a group of kick-ass broads who know you're the best.
- Amy/Autodidact

Sarah said...
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zen said...

Well, I think you are one of the smartest, snarkiest, coolest, people I know and I'm super proud to call you my friend, even if it's not IRL.
~ Zen

suzyQ said...
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sherriet said...

Hubby brought this up the other night! He even specifically mentioned how I tend to find women online that don't always get along with other women.

You are loved, woman! From the top of your head to your Doc-covered feet.

My supposed BFFIRL turned on me and I haven't had any female friends in real life since then. Their loss.

Baz said...
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TJNYC71 said...

If you were still in NY, I would be your BFIL. You rock and are one awesome lady. Smart, funny, pretty, good mother and wife and "snarky" Tracy (nickysmom71)

DixieRose said...

You know, I too yearn for a bestfriend, a female that I can go shopping with, complain to about my husband, my children. Someone just to hang out with. But, like you, I too am afraid of them. I am afraid they would use the information against me, which happened time after time, many moons ago. Afraid they won't be there for me when I really need someone. Afraid they will not enjoy the same things I do. Afraid they will not like me for whom I really am.
So, I sit at home, night after night, watching the old t.v shows, with no one to chat with about the shows.
To bad you and I don't live closer. I am sure we would get along just fine and learn from each other.

Monica said...

Who the hell wouldn't want you as a best friend? Really.... I don't get it! Then again, you remind me (very much) of a combination of the women I surround myself with in real life.
As for friends' boyfriends not liking you... Well, they must have been really fucking insecure. I have found that is the primary reason men have problems with their wive's/girlfriend's friends. That's the cool thing about Eric. He encourages my girl relationships, and honestly, not one of them have scared him off.
I think you just need to find your real life equal. Might be a tall order, but if I lived closer I'd be up to it. :)

jessie said...

I have a very similar problem, only my BFF is a guy, which IMO is different that if it were a female. His wife and I have become friends, but not on any deep level. So there's definitely something missing. Plus, I moved 5 hours away from them to be with my hubby. I am lucky to have sisters with whom I can laugh and cry. But again, they live 5 hours away. When we do get to visit, we have tons of fun. It's behaviour I enjoy my daughters being able to observe and learn from.
I've done the Meet-up thing to try to make local parent-friends. The few ladies I have met I've not felt a connection with on any level. I don't feel comfortable e-mailing them outside the group.

That said, I feel i have to tell you that I admire your intelligence and education. You have the degrees i would love to have been able to go for. My personal dream is to spend a few years roaming around the Meditterranian absorbing all that history. You are exactly the kind of woman I'm seeking to waste time with, learn from, grow with. If we weren't a continent away from each other, I'd have invited your family for dinner! (If you're ever in Portland....)

~my name is jessie. i like to dance!