Cheers, Mr. Bean!

We are proud to announce that The Bean will now be known as Mr. Bean (with thanks to Rowan Atkinson for use of the name). Note the crossed leg in the first picture. That's Dante's favorite way to sit as well, and his Nonno's. Runs in the family! Apparently also, Mr. Bean was "excited" as evidenced by photo number two. That also seems to run in the family.

All genetic and neurological tests were negative for defects and mommy and baby are healthy and happy.

I'm 1000 percent positive........for the 13th time

You know what scares the hell out of me? Not global warming, or nuclear holocaust, or Sarah Palin 2012 (although all of these are legitimate fears of mine). No, you know what really scares me? It's the notion that 1000 years from now, our society will be studied based on old video tapes of Maury Povich paternity episodes.

Can you imagine future archeologists analyzing these episodes? What the hell will they think of our society as a whole? That women were idiots and men were sperm jockeys?

My favorite episodes involve the women who are appearing for the 13th time to test the 23rd man to find out if he is the father of her 6th child. Honestly, maybe future mathematics will be based on the statistics and ratios of these episodes. We are presented with Shantay, Mary Beth, Mercedes, or any other name you can think of who is always 1000 percent sure that her sister's brother's cousin's best friend from the neighborhood across town is her "baby daddy". And then, of course, said gentleman (and I use the term extremely loosely) comes out stylin' and profilin' claiming he's not, she's a whore, and that when "Murry" reveals the results, everyone will know he did not "hit that".

Then, the moment of truth. Will this woman, testing the 23rd man on her 16th appearance on Maury for the paternity of her 6th child, finally find a father for her child?

Nope. You are not the father, Mr. 23. And the most hysterical part of all of it, is the woman becomes "shocked" and hysterical, throwing herself on the floor and running out of the studio humiliated.

Really? Really? She's humiliated? Wouldn't she be humiliated after the 22nd guy? After the 2nd guy tested? Maybe after the 10th? And the kicker is always this: When Maury goes backstage and extends sympathy to this "virtuous" woman, she always says, "I know who it is, for sure now, I know who it is". Really? You sure about that there missy?

I also love the ones that result from threesomes. Wendy here had a threesome with her husband and her husband's best friend. Uh-oh! She got pregnant! Which one is the daddy?!?!

Are you kidding me? What ever happened to CONDOMS and birth control? Are these people that stupid that they don't know that AIDS will kill you? WTF is wrong with these people? Pregnancy is one thing, between adoption or abortion, there is a "solution" to pregnancy, but there is no "solution" to AIDS (and being a whore on national TV for that matter).

So will future historians remember us for Francis Crick, The Beatles, Barack Obama, and Woodstock? Or will the 20th and 21st centuries be known as The You Are Not the Father Epoch?

A Big Open Hand Slap in the Mouth

I went to visit my mom yesterday at the new antique center she has a booth in and she introduced Dante and me around to all the "dealers". Everyone was very nice and after a bit one woman looked at me, pointed at my ever expanding belly, and said out loud in front of everyone:

So! Is that pasta or pregnant?

Um. WTF?!?!?!? She was basically asking me if I was FAT or if I was pregnant. Thankfully I am hugely pregnant but can you imagine how I would have felt if I was not pregnant and just fat?

What kind of person asks a question like that? I mean, does she walk up to people in wheelchairs and say, "So! Paralyzed or lazy?" or does she walk up to people with mental retardation and say "So! Slightly retarded or full blown Downs Syndrome"?

I wanted to punch her.

I should have said, "So! Your face or tragic motorcycle accident?"

Lifting the Veil of Idiocy

I write from the hip, pull no punches, and don't expect everyone to love what I say. In recent days, a slew of "Anonymous" posters, using the anonymity of the internet to grow a set have decided to bombard my blog with asinine and stupid comments. Some focused on my child, some focused on how "mean" I am, while others just being pissy that I don't believe in their little book of stories and their cloud guy. So while I swore I would never do this, I am pulling the option to post comments anonymously from my blog.

Mind you, this is not because I only want to hear positive comments from my friends, rather it will force these people who are so keen on being "brave" and "ripping me a new one" to actually reveal their names and who they are.

This will weed out the chickenshits, the cowards, and the spineless, because we all know, it is very easy to tell someone off when they don't know who you are.

So I am now "lifting the veil of idiocy" and removing the "anonymous" option from comments. If you are indeed so keen and so intent on telling me off, then you will have to grow a pair and input your name.