Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Time (Clock of the Heart)

Oh boy have I been lax in posting.  Looking back, when I had just one child, I would post sometimes twice, even three times, a week with updates about Dante and whatever we were doing.  Sadly, Dorian is getting shafted big time being the second child, because I am so busy/tired/exhausted/at a loss for subject matter/at a loss of time that I don't blog even half as much as I used.

And that's not helping me get super famous either. Ha.

Looking back on 2011, I missed blogging about important things because of this overwhelming lack of any personal "me" time.  I have to admit also, that I was extremely emotionally absent for most of 2011 as well, having succumbed to a very deep and horrible depression.  I lost myself in awful sadness. I lost so many great memories that I am now looking back on and wishing I had "been" there.  Sure, I was physically there but I was elsewhere.  I lost close friendships too and am just now trying to regain some sort of semblance of those relationships.  Anyone who is not depressed doesn't understand how difficult it is to function on a daily basis and I fear that many of my friends just took my absences as just me not wanting to hang out and so they moved on.  Sure, I pushed myself here and there to go to outings and events, but even when I was there, I wasn't.  I felt like everyone was looking at me funny; that friends were not really friends; that I was not welcome and was just invited out of pity.  It was a hard time for me but I muddled through.  Got yelled at by my husband a lot.  Got yelled at by my mom a lot.  And finally, I just started yelling at myself to "snap the fuck out of it", and somehow, I did.  Not 100% but I am, I would say at a steady 75% and holding.  There are days when I am still trying to climb into a dark hole and disappear for a few hours, but at least I'm not lying in a fetal position crying for hours on end.

So let's review 2011 with major events and milestones as I remember them.

Dorian went from this:

To this:

To this:

It's amazing how much a baby changes in one year. From February to October, crawling to dancing with his brother to classic Mantronix (yes, we're raising them right).
Dorian also has started to talk.  Sure, he's a bit speech delayed, but he's got a good handle on sign language and his new favorite words are "Dante", "bubbles", "ball", "Salad", "mama", "dada", "nonna", "nonno", and "nurse" (yes, he's 18 months old and still nursing like he was a month old.)  I've tried to wean him but he throws fits.  I figure if he's 35 and walking down the aisle, begging to nurse, then I'll worry.

On the Big Brother front, Dante started Kindergarten at the awesome charter school, the Hollywood Academy of Arts and Science.

We were extremely lucky to make the "lottery cut" and are now "in" until eighth grade (assuming they don't throw Dante out because of his behavior).  Yes, while D may be excelling academically - he loves Science - behaviorally, he's not doing so hot, already gaining a "referral" and a trip to the principal's office for promptly telling a classmate who was annoying him "fuck you".  That's my boy!  *sigh*

Randy and I love the school, as does Dante,and he can't be doing that horribly because they did ask if we were going to re-up him for first grade.  As we say every morning on the way to school, "We have to have our brain match our behavior".  Sometimes it sinks it, while other times, he comes home with a stern note from his teacher telling me that he wouldn't shut up all day or that he was jumping out of his seat for no apparent reason.

On the Husband front, Randy finished his Volskwagen Academy Training with flying colors and was flown to Virginia (his first time flying!) for the graduation ceremonies.  He was Valedictorian of his class and received a really nice plaque and a raise over at the VW dealership he works at. He's now a Class B tech.  Not bad for a guy who was only hired as an "oil change" guy.  We are very proud of him.

What else?
  1. My thyroid is still purely decorative, but I'm back on my old medication and losing weight again
  2. My brother is getting married and I'm already dreading the airplane trip to get there
  3. My book club, Ex Libris, is still going strong
  4. My parenting group, South Florida Atheist Families, is going well
  5. I've lost 13 pounds as of this posting
So here's to hoping that 2012 brings us many more adventures and escapades.  Although I did not make any New Year's Resolutions, I will promise to blog more often if I can muster up the brain power to do so. 

But for now, I leave you with this post's title inspiration.


Anonymous said...

Hi Alessia, I feel your pain I have felt the same way and sometimes still do. Like you I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I love your company and our boys enjoy playing with dante, dorian will get bigger and join the gang also. If you ever feel like talking I am here for you, Your new friend Michael

KMP said...

I missed your posts, so I'm happy you're back, and I hope 2012 is a healthy year for you!

Katrina said...

I understand the depression completely. I have had the same issues with forcing myself to go out and be sociable, all the while feelings like I didn't belong there for one reason or another. The fact that our financial situation got pretty dire a couple of times throughout last year (and in fact, is going through a rough patch now) didn't help matters much. When things level out again, and I can afford to treat you guys, I would love for us to finally get together with our respective male counterparts and have lunch or something. You have been a real source of support for me, even just through facebook, and I thank you for it.

Kendi said...

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Anonymous said...

hey! It's me...eyesonthebackofmyhead...I was thinking of you recently and thought I'd look you up & here you are. I'd love to trade facebook info & stay in touch, but at the very least wanted to say hello :)

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