Well, I've held off long enough, trying to let the hype die down, but now I am ready to talk about it. I am ready to discuss the passing of an icon; someone who I grew up with; someone who I aspired to be, and someone who I just thought was the coolest thing since sliced bread. There has been quite the buzz for a while and I just wanted to collect my thoughts before I talked about what happened. So, let me begin.
*somber tone please*
What the fuck happened to Soundwave?
While techinically "not dead", yes, I'm talking about Transformers' Soundwave. You remember? The cool Decepticon that turned into a microcassette player? The one whose tape deck released the terrors of Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Rumble, Frenzy, Slugfest, Overkill, Squawktalk and Beastbox? You remember him, don't pretend that you don't. So what happened to Soundwave? After recently seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I'm really wondering why Michael Bey had to efff with my Soundwave. Let me show you.
Here we have "Classic Soundwave". The BEST EVER Transformer (and I will fight you to the death if you disagree with me) complete with the coolest 80's robotic voice in the history of cool 80's robotic voices.
I'll even include a clip of him in action so you can hear the awesomeness that is Classic Soundwave.
So what happened? Without revealing any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen the new Transformers movie, let me just say that the new Soundwave sucks. He sucks. Plain and simple. Suck City for Soundwave, to use a bit of alliteration. First of all (maybe a little bit of a spoiler here) he only hangs out in space, and is attached to a satellite for all of the movie, and second of all he is NOT THE COOL LOOKING SOUNDWAVE!
Let me show you what I am talking about here. Remember Classic Soundwave above and now look at this Barf Soundwave and tell me which one is better. (If you don't pick Classic Soundwave, I will murder you in your sleep). Ok, so here is revamped Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I Only Hang Out in Space Soundwave.
WTF??!?! What the hell is that crap? What is he supposed to be some sort of sword-jet-arrowhead-chromosome thing? And if you're wondering where his "tape deck" is to release his minions, he doesn't have one. That glowing circle in the middle of his chest shoots out probes which then transform on Earth into...wait, hang on, he doesn't shoot out probeS anymore, he only has one minion and that's Ravage. Gone are all the other ones for some reason. Maybe because they all agreed with my initial thought that the new Soundwave SUCKS! And don't even get me started on his voice. I wanted to punch the IMAX screen when I heard it. HARUMPH!
So here we are, mourning the loss of Soundwave. Although not technically dead, the icon of the 80's is no longer with us and has now been replaced by this Satellite Space Dude that I personally, would like to kick back to Cybetron in a New York minute.
RIP Soundwave. RIP.