My baby is 3 today.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Catharsis and a Purge
For almost 6 years I have bottled in a lot of anger and hurt and pent up rage dealing with my moving to Florida and the subsequent termination of my first marriage (a good thing). I spent some incredible years in NYC with some people who I thought at the time, were incredible friends. All of my photos, memories, stories, anything relating back to my years in the clubs in NYC relate back to these friends and my first husband so it's hard not to always have them in the back of my mind when I am retelling an event from those years.
Subsequently, whether it be out of morbid curiosity or just plain curiosity, I tend to "google" my ex to see what he is up to along with the friends I used to have. Call it stupid, masochistic, whatever you want, but I spent a large part of my life with these people, had some amazing experiences, and even though I am utterly happy with my life now, I do miss my youth back in NYC. And again, those memories come with baggage in the form of people who are no longer in my life.
I had 2 best friends in NYC who meant everything to me. We were inseparable. One of them even lived at my apartment half the time because she didn't live in the city and thus it was easier to have her crash on the couch. These 2 women were incredible: Funny, talented, intelligent. Just wonderful. I loved them dearly and we had the most incredible times together. This went on for almost 6 years. Then something happened. One of them got a boyfriend who I suspect didn't like me so much. The other was stuck in a bad relationship and shut herself off. Mind you, the "crew" we all hung out in was a great group as well and we were all like a family. Eventually, everything fell apart. The friend with the new boyfriend began ignoring me, not returning my calls, cancelling plans and finally sent me an email accusing me of spreading a horrible rumor about her (which I most certainly did NOT) and the other just followed what the first friend said, along with the rest of the gang and "dumped" me for a lack of a better term.
So, first husband and I moved to Florida, and less than 6 months later, we got a divorce and he went back to NYC.
I tried to contact my two closest friends during my divorce, but one told me to never speak to her again, and the other feigned interest and sympathy and never returned my emails. It seemed that the ex went back to NYC with his own version of why we got a divorce and all these friends that I had thought were so special to me, for lack of a better term, "took his side" and cut me off. When I met Randy and we got married, my first thoughts were "I have to call C____! I have to call M____!" But I couldn't. When I got pregnant and had our son, I wanted to share it with the 2 women who I'd shared the best of times with. But I couldn't. No one in NYC, not one of the friends I had back then, wanted anything to do with me.
So, I "google" people. And I get upset when I see they are all still together. I get upset when I see they are all hanging around my ex-husband, because he didn't tell them the REAL REASON why we got divorced. I get upset when I see these women, who were once my sisters, my partners in crime, my confidants, and my very best friends, taking his lies and his word over mine; never giving me a chance to speak my piece.
So let me set a few things straight. I know they will probably never read this, but I at least know that it will be out there:
To C____:
I NEVER said anything bad about you. I NEVER spread the rumor you accused me of.
Just remember that you are where you are because of your talent and in part, because of my help.
Who wrote those press releases for you?
Who went into every shop wearing your clothes and pushing them to carry your line?
Who pushed and dealt with club promoters to get your line shown?
Who gave you a roof over your head for weeks at a time so you didn't have to go back to Jersey? Who was your biggest fan and your strongest defender?
Who was there when you got sick?
Who was there when your dad died?
Who taught you how to bartend so you could get a job (which I see you're still at and excelling)?
Who did you betray when you believed the rumors and not me?
To M_____:
I have no idea why you would jump on this bandwagon.
I have no other questions for you. You sent me an email once after the divorce telling me you were working hard but would get back to me. After numerous attempts to get in touch with you, I gave up, fearing that my emails, messages and phone calls were being used as joke material among you guys. I sent you pictures of my newborn son. Did you pass those around as a joke as well?
To S____ my ex husband:
Why not tell people the real reason we got divorced: Your lack of work ethic? Your porn addiction to the point where it became a "problem"?
Why not let people know what you did to me while I was sleeping? And the video tape I discovered?
Have you told them that?
Have you?
Subsequently, whether it be out of morbid curiosity or just plain curiosity, I tend to "google" my ex to see what he is up to along with the friends I used to have. Call it stupid, masochistic, whatever you want, but I spent a large part of my life with these people, had some amazing experiences, and even though I am utterly happy with my life now, I do miss my youth back in NYC. And again, those memories come with baggage in the form of people who are no longer in my life.
I had 2 best friends in NYC who meant everything to me. We were inseparable. One of them even lived at my apartment half the time because she didn't live in the city and thus it was easier to have her crash on the couch. These 2 women were incredible: Funny, talented, intelligent. Just wonderful. I loved them dearly and we had the most incredible times together. This went on for almost 6 years. Then something happened. One of them got a boyfriend who I suspect didn't like me so much. The other was stuck in a bad relationship and shut herself off. Mind you, the "crew" we all hung out in was a great group as well and we were all like a family. Eventually, everything fell apart. The friend with the new boyfriend began ignoring me, not returning my calls, cancelling plans and finally sent me an email accusing me of spreading a horrible rumor about her (which I most certainly did NOT) and the other just followed what the first friend said, along with the rest of the gang and "dumped" me for a lack of a better term.
So, first husband and I moved to Florida, and less than 6 months later, we got a divorce and he went back to NYC.
I tried to contact my two closest friends during my divorce, but one told me to never speak to her again, and the other feigned interest and sympathy and never returned my emails. It seemed that the ex went back to NYC with his own version of why we got a divorce and all these friends that I had thought were so special to me, for lack of a better term, "took his side" and cut me off. When I met Randy and we got married, my first thoughts were "I have to call C____! I have to call M____!" But I couldn't. When I got pregnant and had our son, I wanted to share it with the 2 women who I'd shared the best of times with. But I couldn't. No one in NYC, not one of the friends I had back then, wanted anything to do with me.
So, I "google" people. And I get upset when I see they are all still together. I get upset when I see they are all hanging around my ex-husband, because he didn't tell them the REAL REASON why we got divorced. I get upset when I see these women, who were once my sisters, my partners in crime, my confidants, and my very best friends, taking his lies and his word over mine; never giving me a chance to speak my piece.
So let me set a few things straight. I know they will probably never read this, but I at least know that it will be out there:
To C____:
I NEVER said anything bad about you. I NEVER spread the rumor you accused me of.
Just remember that you are where you are because of your talent and in part, because of my help.
Who wrote those press releases for you?
Who went into every shop wearing your clothes and pushing them to carry your line?
Who pushed and dealt with club promoters to get your line shown?
Who gave you a roof over your head for weeks at a time so you didn't have to go back to Jersey? Who was your biggest fan and your strongest defender?
Who was there when you got sick?
Who was there when your dad died?
Who taught you how to bartend so you could get a job (which I see you're still at and excelling)?
Who did you betray when you believed the rumors and not me?
To M_____:
I have no idea why you would jump on this bandwagon.
I have no other questions for you. You sent me an email once after the divorce telling me you were working hard but would get back to me. After numerous attempts to get in touch with you, I gave up, fearing that my emails, messages and phone calls were being used as joke material among you guys. I sent you pictures of my newborn son. Did you pass those around as a joke as well?
To S____ my ex husband:
Why not tell people the real reason we got divorced: Your lack of work ethic? Your porn addiction to the point where it became a "problem"?
Why not let people know what you did to me while I was sleeping? And the video tape I discovered?
Have you told them that?
Have you?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
In Memoriam
Well, I've held off long enough, trying to let the hype die down, but now I am ready to talk about it. I am ready to discuss the passing of an icon; someone who I grew up with; someone who I aspired to be, and someone who I just thought was the coolest thing since sliced bread. There has been quite the buzz for a while and I just wanted to collect my thoughts before I talked about what happened. So, let me begin.
*somber tone please*
What the fuck happened to Soundwave?
While techinically "not dead", yes, I'm talking about Transformers' Soundwave. You remember? The cool Decepticon that turned into a microcassette player? The one whose tape deck released the terrors of Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Rumble, Frenzy, Slugfest, Overkill, Squawktalk and Beastbox? You remember him, don't pretend that you don't. So what happened to Soundwave? After recently seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I'm really wondering why Michael Bey had to efff with my Soundwave. Let me show you.
Here we have "Classic Soundwave". The BEST EVER Transformer (and I will fight you to the death if you disagree with me) complete with the coolest 80's robotic voice in the history of cool 80's robotic voices.
I'll even include a clip of him in action so you can hear the awesomeness that is Classic Soundwave.
So what happened? Without revealing any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen the new Transformers movie, let me just say that the new Soundwave sucks. He sucks. Plain and simple. Suck City for Soundwave, to use a bit of alliteration. First of all (maybe a little bit of a spoiler here) he only hangs out in space, and is attached to a satellite for all of the movie, and second of all he is NOT THE COOL LOOKING SOUNDWAVE!
Let me show you what I am talking about here. Remember Classic Soundwave above and now look at this Barf Soundwave and tell me which one is better. (If you don't pick Classic Soundwave, I will murder you in your sleep). Ok, so here is revamped Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I Only Hang Out in Space Soundwave.
WTF??!?! What the hell is that crap? What is he supposed to be some sort of sword-jet-arrowhead-chromosome thing? And if you're wondering where his "tape deck" is to release his minions, he doesn't have one. That glowing circle in the middle of his chest shoots out probes which then transform on Earth into...wait, hang on, he doesn't shoot out probeS anymore, he only has one minion and that's Ravage. Gone are all the other ones for some reason. Maybe because they all agreed with my initial thought that the new Soundwave SUCKS! And don't even get me started on his voice. I wanted to punch the IMAX screen when I heard it. HARUMPH!
So here we are, mourning the loss of Soundwave. Although not technically dead, the icon of the 80's is no longer with us and has now been replaced by this Satellite Space Dude that I personally, would like to kick back to Cybetron in a New York minute.
RIP Soundwave. RIP.
*somber tone please*
What the fuck happened to Soundwave?
While techinically "not dead", yes, I'm talking about Transformers' Soundwave. You remember? The cool Decepticon that turned into a microcassette player? The one whose tape deck released the terrors of Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Rumble, Frenzy, Slugfest, Overkill, Squawktalk and Beastbox? You remember him, don't pretend that you don't. So what happened to Soundwave? After recently seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I'm really wondering why Michael Bey had to efff with my Soundwave. Let me show you.
Here we have "Classic Soundwave". The BEST EVER Transformer (and I will fight you to the death if you disagree with me) complete with the coolest 80's robotic voice in the history of cool 80's robotic voices.
I'll even include a clip of him in action so you can hear the awesomeness that is Classic Soundwave.
So what happened? Without revealing any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen the new Transformers movie, let me just say that the new Soundwave sucks. He sucks. Plain and simple. Suck City for Soundwave, to use a bit of alliteration. First of all (maybe a little bit of a spoiler here) he only hangs out in space, and is attached to a satellite for all of the movie, and second of all he is NOT THE COOL LOOKING SOUNDWAVE!
Let me show you what I am talking about here. Remember Classic Soundwave above and now look at this Barf Soundwave and tell me which one is better. (If you don't pick Classic Soundwave, I will murder you in your sleep). Ok, so here is revamped Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I Only Hang Out in Space Soundwave.
WTF??!?! What the hell is that crap? What is he supposed to be some sort of sword-jet-arrowhead-chromosome thing? And if you're wondering where his "tape deck" is to release his minions, he doesn't have one. That glowing circle in the middle of his chest shoots out probes which then transform on Earth into...wait, hang on, he doesn't shoot out probeS anymore, he only has one minion and that's Ravage. Gone are all the other ones for some reason. Maybe because they all agreed with my initial thought that the new Soundwave SUCKS! And don't even get me started on his voice. I wanted to punch the IMAX screen when I heard it. HARUMPH!
So here we are, mourning the loss of Soundwave. Although not technically dead, the icon of the 80's is no longer with us and has now been replaced by this Satellite Space Dude that I personally, would like to kick back to Cybetron in a New York minute.
RIP Soundwave. RIP.
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